YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. When my parents-in-law come to stay With us, my husband's father likes to make a 'contribution', as he calls it. This usually takes the form of one or, worse, two bottles of a particularly poisonous Bulgarian Cabernet costing £2.39 which he expects us to then uncork for that night's supper. My father-in-law drinks rarely, because of a health problem, but he likes to share a glass with us on these special occasions. Needless to say, he has no palate. My husband and I, however, have developed a taste for rea- sonably good wines and we don't really like to go below £5.50 a bottle. Now we are 40 we tend to feel ill after having drunk cheap wine. However, my father-in-law chuckling- lY hands over the bottles and obviously feels he is being wonderfully generous. I-1.0w can we avoid drinking this cheap wine Without hurting his feelings?
Name withheld, Chester A. If, as you say, your father-in-law has no Palate then you can put into effect the fol- lowing scheme to outwit him. Keep a stock- pile of empty £2.39 bottles. Thank your father as he hands over new supplies of the undrinkable Cabernet and announce that You will open them an hour before supper in order to let them breathe. You may then decant some drinkable wine into the empty receptacles bearing the Cabernet labels which you have held over. Alternatively, you could present drinkable wine in a jug or decanter, leaving the empty Bulgarian bottles around the room to trick your father-in-law that that is what you are drinking. `Mmm,' you can say, 'doesn't this wine improve on breathing!'
Q. For ten years we have let our holiday home in France very cheaply, but only to family friends. This has worked very well, with some families returning every year. Breakages and phone calls have been reported and paid for. This year, however, we have discovered that someone has bro- ken the on/off switch on the television and attempted to glue it back on. The switch is useless — the television will not work. Even more distressing than the expense and inconvenience incurred is the disappoint- ment that one of our friends has been so dishonest. Can you suggest some means by which we could discover who did this, with- out offending the others who have used the house this summer?
F.G. and J.M.C., Kent A. You should ring round all the friends who stayed during the period in question. Ring them by rota of the date of their visit. Say to each one in turn, 'I'm just ringing to thank you for having left the money to pay for the repair of the television switch. We had no idea you had left the money under the set otherwise we would have rung to thank you sooner. We have only just come across it.' Innocent parties will reply, 'Oh, it was actually broken when we arrived!' Guilty parties will hesitate before replying, `Actually we didn't leave any money.' The really criminally inclined will hesitate doubly before saying, `I hope it was enough.' At which point you can say, 'Oh dear, I'm afraid it wasn't. We had to replace the whole set. Any chance you can get the rest out of your holiday insurance?'
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