Q. Re last week's inquiry from the newly com
missioned officer suffering from 'containment' problems during formal dinner nights, your solution would, of course, work only in Scottish regiments where the capacious kilt, and indeed the enormous sporran, allow for extraneous apparatus. In any other regiment officers wear very tight overall trousers, shaped to the wearer's leg and strapped underneath mess Wellington boots. The only remedy in this case would be to order vastly oversized boots and lead a forked catheter into them, at the risk of considerable pain to his invaded parts and of betraying himself by squishing obtrusively while exuding a rank odour of fluids mixed with boot polish. One can only wonder what regiment the inquirer conies from, and question how they admitted someone with so little moral fibre and such an inelastic bladder. This elasticity, combined with a robust liver, has long been considered the mark of a gentleman.
Burro Sahib, London WC1 A. You are correct in stating that the elastic
bladder is the mark of a gentleman, yet there are also many gentlemen of artistic or sensitive natures whose imagination works overtime on such occasions. Often, when they are finally in a position to achieve relief, they find that quantities fall far short of what they imagined was queuing for expulsion. Nevertheless, Bard's 'Urisleeve' is designed to fit snugly over the area of the leg in question, applying an even pressure and distribution to avoid detection. Perhaps you yourself are secretly concerned about this matter. Why not call Bard's nurse for confidential advice on 0800 591783?
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