High life
Ira author
Talc'
Phony books for fast profits by ghost writers are making good writing redundant and bringing about the greatest change in publishing since Gutenberg's invention. Although the downmarketing of publishing tastes is nothing new — shoddy, superficial books have always sold better than good, serious works — it was nonetheless true that book publishing was a trade that clung to the standards of good writing as passionately as an upper class Englishman Clings to his aitches. (Profits from published garbage enabled good writers to appear in Print).
No longer. Good writing is definitely to be avoided at all costs. And due to highpowered salesmanship and marketing techniques, celebrities, jet-setters, movie stars and half-witted aristocrats are now standing shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Shakespeare, Milton, Swift and Waugh. The breakthrough came about when the function of journalism — where a person researches and writes about those involved in an event — was made redundant by publishers intent on signing up the participant. (What I could have done with Napoleon after Waterloo, sighs Lord Weidenfeld). Of course most participants today (celebrities) have trouble composing a breakfast list and so ghost writers have suddenly become as valuable a commodity as an ounce of pure Peruvian at a trendy New York party. And the 'beautiful people' are pursued by literary groupies as Hemingway was during his glorious years. The latest jet-setter to turn writer is Ira von Furstenberg. Her book will be found in gold-blocked cloth, will cost approximately as much as England's defence budget, and is on Beauty. What kind of beauty? Why, the natural one, of course. Beauty like that of Jacqueline de Ribes, Elise Goulandris, Helen Roches and Gloria Guinness. All around sixty, if not more, with a bank account in excess of fifty million pounds. Ira is uniquely qualified to write on the subject. Her mother is an Agnelli, she is forty-two years old, has lifted as many parts of her anatomy as a pickpocket lifts wallets during the tourist season, and has attended almost as many parties during the last twenty years. Incidentally, Ira eloped with Prince Hohenlohe when she was fifteen, some years after giving up her higher education. Her brother, Egon, has also become a scribe. He received a fabulous advance to write on Power. Needless to add, the effete Egon is as qualified to discourse about power as Millwall fans are to write about good sportsmanship. Egon, a dress designer, is being published first in America.
Another Furstenberg, this one by marriage, has already become a best selling authoress. Diane, ex-wife of Egon and born Diane Cohen in Belgium, 'wrote' an opus about her beauty secrets. It was very successful and she is at present planning a follow-up. Still one more quintessential jet-setter batting out deathless prose is Charlotte Ford Niarchos. She is better known as Henry's daughter. Charlotte is writing on Success. She is guaranteed good sales, especially in France where she spent long years learning French. They are still talking about her immortal riposte when greeted by a gentleman with 'Bonjour'. 'Daddy's in Detroit' she answered back.
Needless to say, the ultimate jet-setter, Jackie 0, has not exactly missed the oppor tunity sell her brains. Her book on the Russian to ianstyle of dress was presumed to be of such extraordinary interest to the reading public that the editors were willing to let fourteen other writers starve to death.
Although books on health and fashion predominate among celebrity authors, politics are a close third, after sports. It is a well-known fact that John Dean's Watergate revelations became a best seller because of Taylor Branch's ghost job. Branch got little for his troubles. He plans, however, to come to England and drive a better deal. This one with, guess who, Lord Weidenfeld.
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