"Spectator" Competitions

. RULES AND CONDITIONS Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street,

London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No. (—).

Competition No. 3O (Set by " Ducu.") It is assumed that a reader of the Spectator and his wife, who Jive in London, had planned a fortnight's holiday abroad this winter, and were to have taken with them their two schoolboy sons and their daughter aged twenty:- one. They write to ask your advice as to how they should spend the same holiday in the British Isles. A prize of /8 Bs. is offered for a letter written in reply, which must not exceed 850 words.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, November 9th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of November 21st.

Competition No. 31 (SET BY " CARD.") A PRIZE of £2 2s. is offered for the best entry of two letters of 150 words each addressed (a) to the Prime Minister, and (b) to the Leader of the Opposition, suggesting policies for them to follow from the beginning of the next Parlia- mentary Session. Political wisdom should be combined with originality.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, November 16th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of November 28th.

The result of Competition No. 29 will appear in our next issue.

Limerick Competition No.

A PRIM of £1 ls. is offered each week for a new and original English Limerick verse on some subject dealt with in the current number of the Spectator. This week's Com- petition closes on Monday, November 16th. Entries should be marked on the envelope Limerick No. 1.

Report of Competition No 28

(REPORT AND AWARD BY " CRISPIAN.")

IT was required to draft an autobiographical notice, the subject to be an imaginary man or woman, in the manner of 1Vho's Who and of such a nature that, were it to grace the pages of that august tome, it would arrest the attention of the skimming reader by reason of its inherently romantic, diverting, or bizarre qualities.

It so happens that I am myself a great reader of this notable autobiographical omnibus in which the frailties of the human kind are so richly displayed, and I must confess that I am not a little disappointed that the prize of £3 3s. goes to a suggested extract from the annual volume of so antique a date as 1250 B.c.

It is not that I wish in any way to disparage the entry of L. A. Wilding, Apsley Gate, Woodstock Road, Oxford. The Earl of Thebes' own account of his exceedingly full and active life makes arresting reading and in its compilation this son of the proud house of Jupiter has obviously been careful to comply with the regulations and limitations imposed by the Entry Form which was no doubt supplied to him. Yet I cannot help feeling that someone might have produced the story of a modern career which would have constituted a closer and more subtle parody of certain entries with which readers of more recent and accessible volumes are familiar. Such suggestions indeed there were, but none of them save that sent in by Canon G. M. Bell seemed to me to be in the running. For a time I dittinctly favoured Canon Bell's pro/01 -Smith-Jones, Algernon Achilles, who tried successively 03 -be an alchemist, a butler, a carpet-bagger, a gangster, .pacifist and a temporary gentleman (1914), and this pre- dilection was strengthened by a sneaking doubt as to whether had, or had not, somewhere read that striking proof had been obtained of the fact that Hercules had actually flourished upon the earth. People are always finding out things of this sort and, had the proof been striking enough it would have put Mr. Wilding out of court. But I read his entry yet again, took comfort from his Oxfordshire address, and decided that it was probably Minos or someone of that kind whose authenticity had been established.

So Mr. Wilding wins the prize and Canon Bell must be content to be the runner up. • -

For the rest, Lieut.-Col. F. A. Goddard contrived to make his O'Lawless, Major Desmond Debonair (The O'Lawless of the Lakes), an exceedingly romantic figure, Monksilver's -entry would have been admirable had the distinctive style of Who's Who been followed more closely, while the ReV. A. H. Storrs divertingly made his Mr. Valentine Vesper, who in 1902 crossed the Atlantic in a canoe, a member of the Travellers Club. All three of these entries are to bi) commended.

Here is the winning suggestion : EXTRACT FROM " WHO'S WHO " 1250 B.C.

THEBES, Earl of ; Armstrong Proudfoot Hercules ; Cr. 1282-; 178th Son of Lord Jupiter (q.v.) and twin son of Lady Alcmona (see Argos, Earl of). Born at Argos 1290. M. 1st, 50 daughters of Thespius, King of Thespis, 2nd Megara, 3rd Astydamia, 4th Autonoe, 5th Parthenope, and many others (vide "Who's Who at Thebes"). Issue-93 sons, 55 daughters. Heir—Lund Heraclidea. Eduo Chiron's Academy and privately. 1273, Home Office, Mycenae, Chief Inspector of Nuisances ; performed great publio service by exterminating lions, hydras, boars, wild bulls. 1269, appointed trainer at stables of H.M. King Augeas ; carried out model system of sanitation, for which he was made K.C.B. 1266, apprenticed to firm of dressmakers, introduced to Greece the ' Amazon' girdle ; as a reward created Knight of the Garter. 1264, archaeological survey of the Underground, discovered earliest known specimen of antediluvian dog. 1282, peerage for public services. Took part in cruise of H.M.S. Argo ; helped to obtain new specimen of fleece, which created a boom in Greek wool trade. 1259, commanded expedition which cleared Lydia of gangsters : Elysian Medal, two clasps. Since 1258, farming estate in Boeotia. Founder and first president, Atlas Mountaineering Club, 1268. Organising secretary Drees Reform Society, 1262. Lectured extensively in Greece and Asia Minor, 1258-7. Has patented numerous devices, snake- stranglers, humane bull-killers, zip lionakins. Publications—1 272, " Lions I have Met " ; 1270, " Lions I Hope to Meet " ; 1268, " Stables and How To Clean Them " ; 1284, volume of popular songs, including " March of the Wooden Hydras," and " 'Theban Love Lyrics " ; 1261, Argonaut Sea-shanties ; many papers dealing with Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Easy Divorce, Club Swinging, Sm. Remotions : Caber-tossing, sun-bathing. Clubs t Beefsteak,

Savage. Address Herculaneum, Thebes, W.1 ; The Pillars, Gibraltar.