Damning in vain
Jaspistos
In Competition No. 2292 you were invited to provide a hostile review of a book that has the effect of making the reader tempted to buy it.
'It is very rare to find such a combination of erudition, theology and filth in a single volume. . "These reminiscences by a retired Sussex farm labourer are a complete anachronism in contemporary pub lishing. . . . Good openings by Bill Greenwell and William Danes-Volkov, but the ensuing review didn't really tempt me to buy the book. Nearer the mark were Noel Petty: 'There really should be a law against novels like this one. . , It is as though Joyce and Garcia Marquez had never passed this way. . . and D.A. Prince: 'British politicians should not be treated as figures of fun. Political scholarship is not served by this book.'
The prizewinners, printed below. get £30 each, and the case of Cobra Premium beer goes to Watson Weeks.
Mark Fleming's book should have been remaindered from the outset. Ostensibly a serious analysis of the social and political scene, spanning two decades, it reveals itself as nothing more than an extended gossip column. The stylistic infelicities, the solecisms, the sheer vulgarity of the writing — these are intolerable enough. Much more so are the prurience and unhealthy voyeurism to which the author shamelessly panders. Look for gravitas and you will be disappointed. The focus is relentlessly on rumour and scandal-mongering and allegations that flirt perilously with the laws of libel; an exposé, in fact, of the murkier areas of the corridors of influence and power, best left, in my view, to wither on the vine. This is dumbing down and trivial pursuits with a vengeance. Where else would you find an entire chapter devoted, quite irrelevantly, to an interview with Lord Lucan, in Venezuela, 20 years after his disappearance? Watson Weeks
Dr Clive Clissold's Neurological Studies fails on every level, with what might have been an instructive collection of case studies becoming, in Clissold's hands, little more than an excuse for a libidinous travelogue interrupted by lurid depictions of freakish, if often famous, patients. Deplorably, Clissold fails to protect the identities of both patients and bedfellows, making dispassionate examination of the neurological facts impossible. Does knowing that it is a particular Hollywood film star whose condition renders him incapable of differentiating men from women really help us understand the fascinating malfunction in his neural pathways? This reviewer suggests not. Clissold eschews analysis of his patients' conditions, preferring his own, unsurprisingly unique. approach; the
chapter in which he 'investigates' the bathroom habits of a prominent royal couple goes too far, even without the photographs. Clissold's bedroom antics superfluously pepper the text, uninteresting even to the sexologist on account of their physical impossibility, Adrian Fly Do we really need another novel by Dickens? This one was reclaimed from the Bodleian vaults last year. I'd have left it there. All of Dickens's flaws are paraded; too long; too many characters; too many jokes; continual emphasis on realism. etc. Admittedly his characters are interesting and well observed, but it's like being at a Victorian circus. I prefer a somewhat smaller cast. Bartholomew Tappertit, the eponymous hero, struggles to find his childhood sweetheart. Grace, in London. In the long search, Dickens explores the underbelly of the capital. Hold your nose, the smells rise up out of the pages. Of course, there's a happy, albeit somewhat surprising, ending. The pair are reunited just in time, saving Grace from becoming a prostitute. Typically moral in tone, Dickens rolls out another adult fairy story. This will only appeal to fans of the genre. Read it if you must. Mark Ambrose Arnold Schwarz's Hedonism & Health has been justly reviled among nutritionists and other health specialists for its irresponsible challenge to the agreed priorities of a healthy lifestyle. However wrapped up in survey reports, laboratory results, sample studies and patiently compiled statistics the message seems to be: a lot of what you fancy does you good.
If you believe Schwarz, tobacco, drug and alcohol abuse, a purely indulgent diet, no exercise and rampant libertinism constitute 'a positive dynamic'. The core argument (which is not original) is that repression and self-denial are the bringers of illness and early death. Long live free expression. Schwarz will convince no one, if only because despite his high qualifications he is a lightweight. For all its factmarshalling and surface credibility, who can take seriously the work of a scientist who, at 89, still spends half his time skiing, yachting, drinking and chasing women?
G.M. Davis Throughout the 800 pages of badly written drivel of doubtful veracity that make up this unauthorised biography of Cherie Blair, the author does little justice to his fascinating subject. Hearsay and gossip make up his 'research', and the endless irrelevant details are poorly suited to a book investigating one of the world's most intelligent and caring women. Do we really want to know why Cherie refers to Alastair Campbell as 'the hard man', or her husband as `Tinywee'? Are we interested in all the former nannies' views on their employer? But despite the author's attempt at wholesale character assassination, the true, brave spirit of Cherie shines through, as is demonstrated in a long transcript detailing what the author describes as a 'high-court-style crossexamination' in which Cherie, during her stay at Balmoral, challenges the royals to justify their existence. A great lady — shame about the book! Sophia Topley
No. 2295: Neologistic You are invited to incorporate the following words that don't exist into a plausible piece of prose so that they seem to acquire a meaning: fraxin, dortmany, cludder, orchimandiy, porgole, toggo, yardson, mivvick. albacy, reit. Maximum 150 words. Entries to 'Competition No. 2295' by 19 June.
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