6 JUNE 1952, Page 8

- God Wot

I don't garden. Because, when I garden, Not only does it make my arteries harden (Whereas when I lie flat on my back They have every encouragement to remain supple and slack) But, from a more aesthetic point of view— And I'll take five to two the same thing happens to you— After a while, in fact, pretty dam quick, as the phrase is, I can't see the grass for the daisies, The herbaceous border For the surrounding disorder— Which is the opposite of what a garden is for.

Furthermore, Were I to labour, I couldn't be lending my tools to my next-door neighbour, I'd be using them instead ; So my brotherly-love account would be back in the red. And, lastly, my fingers are so unpigmented by green That my hoeing, planting, &c., has got to be seen To be believed ; A bush that I prune is not so much pruned as • bereaved. And that, broadly speaking, is why I recline in the shade Saying " Oh, how wonderful ! " which mayn't be the way that they're math - But is the way they're enjoyed, I mean, is it not ?- Gardens, I mean, God wot.

JUSTIN RICHARDSON.