YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. When the local elections are due I always receive a visit from a councillor who speaks for himself or the colleague due for re-election. He is a charming man and we have become quite friendly. On his most recent visit he seemed unhappy, sat on the edge of his chair and appeared eager to leave. This city is twinned with a Russian city and a local committee is more than usually enthusiastic about exchange visits. As a Russian-speaker I am regularly brought small parties of Russians, with whom it has been customary to exchange a hug. As an octogenarian living alone, I receive very few other visitors and I fear that the hugging of visitors has become a habit. On his recent visit, my councillor friend received an unexpected hug, and I am wondering if his agitated state could have arisen from a misinterpretation of my intentions. What should I do to find out and rectify the situation?
J. H., address withheld A. You can put this man at his ease by using the following method, which should serve to restore his confidence in you and remove any anxiety that might preclude his visiting you again. Pen a note to the man advising him that, should there be a settlement of asylum seekers in your area, you have well-established liaison skills
with Eastern Europeans and would be willing to help. Add that, 'As you may have noted from my un-British tendency to give Russian bear-hugs, I have strong affinities with these people.' In this way you should soon see a way to rectifying the misunderstanding.
Q. I have a dear friend who I have noticed, on visits to her flat, is snacking more and more. She does this in an absent-minded way and I feel I should point out to such a friend that the result of this increased intake of calories is becoming ever more apparent. The trouble is that she is hypersensitive and I would not like to hurt her feelings. What should I do?
LB., London W12 A. Next time you go to her flat remove the lamp from her fridge. For atavistic reasons, people do not like groping in dark caverns. The foodstuffs in the refrigerator will soon deteriorate, also helping to erode the connection between food and pleasure. Since her heavyweight lethargy will ensure that she does not get around to replacing the bulb, you will soon see the natural correction of your friend's new habit.
Q. Some months ago you mentioned the necessity of providing new soap for guests. My mother used to wash the soap in the spare bathroom, but I wonder what you suggest my daughter should do. She is sharing a student flat with a boy who, despite being ostensibly hairless, manages to leave 'traces' on the soap. It makes my daughter feel quite shuddery.
London SW1 A. In this scenario there is no alternative other than to supply their shared bathroom with the usually unacceptable liquid soap from a dispenser.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem write to Dear Maly, co The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WON 2LL.
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