ON PITCHING IT STRONG
By C. K. ALLEN THE letters which I receive from Mexico are few. But when I do get a letter from Mexico, it is of no mean order—as the following will show. Unsigned (for reasons which must command our sym- pathy), it is typed on superior air-mail paper, and, lest there should be any unworthy suspicion of mass-production, it is indited to me by my full baptismal name and with the greatest punctiliousness of additions and address. None but the stoniest heart can read it without emotion. But let it now speak for itself : " Dear Sir,—A person, who knows you and who has spoken very highly about you, has made me trust you for a very delicate matter of which depends the entire future of my dear daughter as well as my very existence.
" I am in prison, sentenced for bankruptcy, and I wish to know if you are willing to help me to save the sum of $375,000.00 U.S. Cy. (THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS), which I have in bank bills hidden in a secret compart- ment of a trunk that is now deposited in a Custom house in England.
" As soon as I send you undeniable evidence, it is necessary that you come here and pay the expenses incurred in connection with my process, so the embargo on my suit-cases can be lifted, one of which suit-cases contains a baggage check that was given to me at the time of checking my trunk for England, and which trunk contains the sum above said. To compensate you for all your troubles I will give you the THIRD PART OF SAID SUM.
" Dui to serious reasons which you will know later, please reply via AIRMAIL. I beg you to treat this matter with the utmost reserve and discretion. Fearing that this letter might have gone astray and not reach your hands, I will not sign my name until I hear from you, and then I will entrust you with all my secret. For the time being I am only signing ' M.' "Due to the fact that I am in charge of the prison school, I can write you like this and entirely at liberty.
" I cannot receive your reply directly in this prison, so in case you accept my proposition, please air-mail your letter to a person of my entire trust, who will deliver to me safely and rapidly. This is his name and address. . . ." (Here " the utmost reserve and discretion " intervene, and I will say only that the obliging inter- mediary's first name is " Angel.")
It is very flattering but very perplexing. To begin with, why am I thus honoured ? Who has spoken very highly about me to Sefior "M" ? Rack my brains as I will, I cannot think of any old comrade or schoolfellow who is at the moment in confinement, not even in the Prison School, in Mexico City—a place which, to my regret, I have never visited. Is it simply that my general reputation for financial integrity has penetrated, in the natural course of things, to Mexico City ? I should like to think so, but, really, my financial operations have not been as cosmopolitan as all that. Other pre- liminary questions trouble me. Why drag in the entire future of his dear daughter ? That, surely, is hitting a man of chivalrous disposition below the belt ? And again, where did the $375,000 come from, and how did they get into the trunk ? Perhaps, however, it would not be in accordance with " the utmost reserve and discre- tion " to pursue that enquiry. As for the trifling matter of bank- ruptcy, I assume that it is one of those deplorable miscarriages of justice which, I have heard, are all too common in foreign countries.
" But these are toys," as Bacon would say, beside the main problem Shall I or shall I not ? Hamlet, though phrasing it a little differently, rightly observed that that is the question. A tidy sum " to com- pensate you for all your troubles " is not to be sneezed at, especially as it would be, I imagine, free of income tax. The question has not only vexed my slumbers but has, I am sorry to say, caused dissension in my family. The seniors are, in the pusillanimous manner of seniors, all for caution ; but at least one junior member of my entourage, who is an expert in such matters, regards this letter in very much the same light as a chart of the treasure found in an old book in the library. I see the force of the argument ; indeed, I go further, for I consider this missive as far more seductive than any mouldering treasure chart. After all, there are plenty of islands full of doubloons and pieces of eight, and plenty of charts of them, and plenty of expeditions sailing almost weekly in quest of them ; but there can be very few trunks in Customs Houses with $375,00c in them. Trunks in cloak-rooms, and possibly in Customs Houses too, sometimes contain strange and even gruesome objects, but seldom great wads of bank notes in secret compartments. A trunk like that surely takes rank with the Gladstone bag, which so much impressed Lady Bracknell and was of such importance to Earnest.
Yes, this piece of luggage fires my imagination—quite apart from any selfless solicitude for a dear daughter, and still further apart, as I hope I need not add, from any sordid thought of pelf. And yet I waver. I am weak, vacillating. Pretending to myself that 1 have neither the time nor the ready cash, I cannot quite bring myself to the point of booking a passage to Mexico City. It is my own fault, therefore, if I see no immediate prospect of a compensation for all my troubles. I can only console myself with the thought that that boon is not vouchsafed to any man. Besides, a gnawing doubt torments me. I should like to be grateful for the trust which Senor " M " reposes in me ; but can it be—is it just conceivable— that he takes me for a mug ? And if so, does he treat me as a mug is entitled to be treated ?
The right way with mugs is well known. Pitch it strong! It was not Hitler who discovered that the bigger the lie the more it will be believed. This simple truth has been known for centuries to every competent confidence man in the profession, and is daily practised by him. Plausibility is the weakest kind of springe to catch woodcocks. The gold brick, the rich uncle in Australia, the oil well in Texas, the pocket-book carelessly left behind at the hotel—these are the con, man's stock in trade, not a whit, the less effective because they have been used, and will be used, over and over again. Every- body has heard of them and everybody is convinced that he would never be taken in by them ; but the con. man knows, as an elementary fact of life, that there will always be trout ready to swallow the
same false fly which a million other trout have swallowed, to their undoing. At our mothers' knees we learned that we must not play either with the gipsies in the wood or with affable strangers in trains ; but every race-train can show its Knowing One, who is sure that he can beat the sharpers at their own game and who goes the limit on four kings. But it is a law of poker, and a law of life, that four kings are never as good as four aces.
To be a successful con. man or begging-letter-writer or liver-on- one's-wits mere cynicism is not enough. One must have, and must believe, the philosophy of the Tichborne claimant. Now there was a man who knew how to pitch it strong—and hot, too! This philosophy is based on a deep faith—not a mere theory, but a profound conviction—in the infinite gullibility of human nature. That is where most of us would fail as con. men—not through lack of imagination, but through lack of faith. Anybody can think up brilliant devices for mug-catching, but it is only the exceptional .man—the financial genius—who can resist the temptation to pause at the last moment and say : " No, he will never swallow that! " One must begin with the postulate that, while a few negligible quibblers will strain at gnats, a vast section of humanity will swallow camels.
It is these reflections which cause me certain doubts, despite the promptings of my better nature, about Senor "M." Has he pitched it strong enough ? $375,00o ? Too plausible! A round million would have been far more convincing, though I suppose it would need a rather large trunk. After all, when I have deducted my travelling expenses to Mexico and the costs (possibly heavy) of Senor " M's " " process," I may be left with a mere $too,000, or even less. That would undoubtedly be better than a bat in the eye with a burnt stick, but is it really adequate to the occasion ? Has " M," falling short of the million standard, shown a certain lack of faith, a certain amateurish touch ? I fear so ; and therefore, for the present, I am staying at home, poor but still honest.
Previous page
