Q. In common with the husband of one of my
wife’s best friends, I am a keen golfer. Said husband plays golf with me and two friends each weekend, usually for a small wager. My problem is — and I am afraid there is no pleasant way to say this — he is a cheat. His golf ball is prone to being kicked out of the rough and on to the short grass. Shots that are clearly heading ‘out of bounds’ are miraculously discovered in favourable spots. He seems unable to tally his score correctly at the completion of a hole. To make it worse he then brags about his winning score in the clubhouse afterwards. I am sure you are aware of the gravity of this charge. However, he is ruining the enjoyment of our group and matters might come to a head if he should win an important tournament in this way. How might I address this matter without damaging good relations between our respective spouses or provoking a libel action?
Name and address withheld A. To avoid a scandal of the type which occurred in 1890 at Tranby Croft, conspire with the innocent players that next time you too will cheat, doing so so blatantly that a confederate can publicly accuse you. This will draw attention away from the real cheat. You can then chuckle childishly, and admit to the crime. In a variation of the Tranby Croft debacle you can all sign a document promising never to cheat at golf on pain of being blackballed from the club. In this way a frisson of rectitude will rush through the group along with a heightened awareness that any further malpractice will be noted and pounced upon.
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