MARRIAGE GUIDANCE

By EDWARD F. GRIFFITH

THE whole future stability of our national life centres round the family. If that is insecure all our hopes and plans for effective national development will be endangered. Unhappy homes breed maladjusted children, who, in their turn, become unworthy citizens, devoid of social feeling or responsibility. But if national stability depends on the family and the creation of an adequate number of healthy children in each family, the stability of the family depends on a properly balanced marriage. The chance of effecting this harmony can be greatly enhanced by adequate marriage preparation, which should become part of the national health service. Much social work done for the family is impeded if there is disharmony in tht home. Marriage guidance, however, embraces much more than marriage preparation. Whilst hundreds of marriages are going astray for the need of such help, many homes are made unhappy through the lack of children, and so many people want advice about the problem of sterility. Ten per cent. of marriages in this country are sterile, and while it is evident that the Government, by appointing the new Royal Commission on Population, is showing its concern with these matters, it could make a more practical contribution to the problem by setting aside money for the establishment of centres throughout the country where sterility and marriage guidance could be effectively dealt with, even while the Commission is carrying out its important investigations. Such measures would not only have a beneficial effect on the falling birth-rate, but provide us with valuable data.

The recent pamphlet on Sex Education issued by the Board of Education is another indication of a most welcome change of attitude on the part of the authorities ; it is to be hoped that the Board's recommendations will be acted upon quickly and intelligently by Local Authorities, because adequate health and sex education is an urgent necessity at present and a necessary preliminary to effective marriage preparation and the preservation of family life. In order to implement the Board's recommendations it will be necessary to train an effective number of suitable people to give this kind of education, for education in sex and health, emotional development, marriage preparation, sterility and marriage adjustment are all part and parcel of the wider problem of social morality and family stability. It is only reasonable to suggest, therefore, that all these matters, together with child guidance and much work done by the probation officers, should be included in a bold and comprehensive scheme of social reform. Such a policy must necessarily unite scientific knowledge with effective ethical standards.

To suggest that because a couple love each other they will naturally make a success of the physical side of marriage is as ridiculous as to

.suggest that marriages are made in heaven and will therefore prove

satisfactory, or that they have usually proved satisfactory in the past and should therefore do so in the future. Whilst it is true that many

marriages did prove satisfactory in the past, there is no doubt that very many more went wrong quite unnecessarily simply through ignorance, fear, misunderstanding or a combination of all three. In-almost

every case of marriage disharmony one finds that there is maladjustment in the sexual sphere, both physically and psychologically, and that much of this disharmony could have been prevented had the couple had adequate marriage preparation.

The Marriage Guidance Council,* which is the only organisation of its kind in this country dealing primarily with marriage preparation and marriage disharmony, has already accumulated sufficient evidence to show that much misery and unhappiness could be prevented if only young people would make up their minds to seek help before marriage, or, if they are already married and find themselves in difficulties, would seek similar help at the earliest possible moment. So often do we find that the condition has persisted for so long that re-adjustment becomes well nigh impossible. There should be a closer relationship between such an organisation as this, which could well be extended to all the large towns in the country, and the various law courts and other organisations dealing with marriage problems.

Marriage preparation being the key to the whole problem, it is worth while enquiring what types of people present themselves-for this help.

r. There is the individual who has been brought up in ignorance. Here, at least, one is not hampered by preconceived and often illformed ideas.

2: The individual who has been brought up to regard sex entirely from a negative point of view. The subject is either never mentioned in the family circle or else the man has an individualistic and selfish attitude, whilst the girl is timid and unwilling to co-operate.

3. Closely allied to this type is the individual to whom sex and sin are synonymous. To such the physical expression of sex in marriage is regarded almost entirely from the physical standpoint. It has little relationship to the development of the personality of either partner and is certainly devoid of that wholesomeness and naturalness which is essential to a healthy married state. Such people breed a host of inhibitions and frustrations which tend to wreck the marriage before it has well started. They are found in all sections of society.

4. The individuals who have experimented in the sexual sphere, often with distressing results. Their life-pattern is frequently inhibited, distorted or fixed at some immature level, and requires great care and perseverance before it is adjusted. Much has to be relearnt and many new conceptions adopted.

Finally, there is a small group of people who have received more adequate sex education and have escaped the negative inhibitions which have dogged the steps of those in former groups. They approach the whole matter in a perfectly natural manner and are by far the easiest people to deal with. They are likely to make the most successful marriages.

What may be done for these people? Physical examination is, of course, essential. Many minor ailments which are unsuspected or neglected can be brought to light and appropriate steps taken to remedy them. An estimation must be made of the exact knowledge of physical facts possessed by the couple ; misconceptions removed and gaps filled in. But the mere provision of factual knowledge ia not enough. The underlying purpose of sex, its creative aspects and dual nature, must be stressed. It is valuable to ascertain that both have read the same books and have the same background. It is equally essential to point out to the couple that both must understand, co-operate and agree. It is inadvisable for one of the partners to leave matters to the other on the assumption that "he is sure to know." No physical examination would be complete without an

• adequate family history. Many people are concerned with the eugenic side of this problem. Not only do they want to know if they are able to produce children, but whether their family history is such that they should produce them. They will also require advice and help about the adequate spacing of children and the importance of proving their fertility as soon as possible. .

All this must be related to high ethical standards ; no marriage preparation which ignores the spiritual nature of man can hope to prove satisfactory. Here the churches have failed and are failing. Far too many parsons, and, one must add, doctors too, refuse to consider these matters ; the one is too full of moral platitudes which get one nowhere ; the other with advice which is lamentably insufficient. Both should get together and work together for effective marriage guidance as a duty which must devolve on both and should be regarded as an important aspect of preventive medicine.

It is extraordinary that at the present time, when we are so anxious to create a fit nation, we do not recognise the importance of this matter. If we want to build up healthy bodies we must provide healthy and contented minds. If the physical side of our nature is not given adequate opportunity for harmonious expression, we shall never develop that breadth of vision and stability of character which is so vitally important today. Preparation for marriage, therefore, should be looked upon as the natural completion of a series of educational endeavours embracing not only the physical, but also the ethical and social, aspects of creative family life, while the adjustment of marriage disharmony as one of the most important contributions that can be made to the health and happiness of the individual and the welfare of the State.