Mainly men behaving badly
Victoria Clarke
Awoman relieving herself in the uri- nals signals redundancy for the heroes of The Full Monty. This news will come as no surprise to these new female novelists. They have already consigned him to a posi- tion equal to that of a persistent mosquito. In Animal Husbandry by Laura Zigman, New Yorker Jane Goodall has a job, an apartment, but no man. She meets Ray, a new colleague at work, and although he is already engaged, they embark on an affair. Soon Jane is so immersed in him and, as she perceives, their happiness, that she gives up the lease on her apartment to search for something to share. Only then does she realise, with bewilderment, that he no longer calls her, that excuses fly thick and fast, and soon another girl at the office is wearing a T-shirt all too similar to the one she bought Ray. Forced into sharing an apartment with another colleague, Eddie, a compulsive womaniser, she starts a series of notebooks as self-therapy, and formulates the 'Old Cow, New Cow Theory . short for the sad sorry truth that men leave women and never come back because all they really want is New Cow'. This in turn has its roots in a scientific theory called The Coolidge Effect: bulls will never mate with the same cow twice, no matter how well she is disguised. The notebooks are a hilarious dissection of the mores of the male New Yorker; not one man escapes Jane's ire. She teams up with her friend Joan, who has just discovered she is now an 'Old Cow', and they decide to pub- lish Jane's findings in the Men's Times, for which Joan works.
Laura Zigman's first novel, with its echoes of Bridget Jones' Diary, is a punchy and amusing read. It is a cruel exposé of male inadequacies and of the vast gulf that exists between male and female expecta- tions. Her conclusions are rather depress- ing for those who believe in romance, but there are a great many laughs along the way, and it is hard not to agree with certain of the truths she reveals.
Although Jane regrets her single state, by the end of Selfish People by Lucy English the heroine's independence comes as a profound relief. This is an altogether dark- er, more Celtic look at the relationship between male and female. Set in a Bristol grey with fog and black with rain, Leah's life mirrors the weather. Her husband Al, a one-time anarchist, beats her for suspected infidelities although the marriage has long since become a loveless sham. Leah leaves him and her children, and starts an affair with Bally, a confused and selfish basket- ball coach at the Project where Leah works. Throughout their tortured relation- ship he humiliates her within the confines of smoky pubs and houses filled with loud music. Only when Leah breaks with every- thing and flees to a deserted camp site in Devon does she find, amid the mud, any- thing approaching happiness and purpose. Lucy English's novel is populated by char- acters so self-absorbed that they crash into each other rather than interact. It is a bleak but compelling book where there are no winners. Leah's final resolve offers her a dim hope, but we are left with a feeling of despair at man's behaviour.
Cold in Earth by Melissa Jones is a novel of many voices, some more credible than others. Zoe, a successful television presen- ter, loses her baby in a cot death. Her sani- ty becomes increasingly fragile over the following months, and she dies in suspi- cious circumstances. Her husband Michael, a gentle soul, is arrested for both deaths, and his brother-in-law Felix represents him as his solicitor. All these characters have their say in a story, which starts out engagingly, but does not fulfil its promise, mired in too many tricks of the novelist's art. Too much sophisticated evil emanates from too young a source, and the adult voices become weaker and less convincing. True to Form by Yvonne Antrobus is well- observed and sharply detailed. A tight-knit group of racing folk come under scrutiny when murder strikes. Sukie, widow and itinerant cook of directors' lunches, has 'white trousers, navy blazer and Geiger loafers come from a drawer higher than she does'. Single-handed, with only half a bottle of wine a day and the occasional night of passion, she solves the mystery and brings matters to a satisfying conclusion. The book is populated by unattractively recognisable public school types — 'We used to stick our compasses in him to see if the fat would run' — and by strong and independent women who regard men with affection, but are quite happy to dispense with their company. This is a pacy read which only sacrifices credibility for the sake of a good joke.
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