YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Some years ago in White's Club I found myself standing at the urinal alongside the late Sir lain Moncreiffe of that Ilk. Seeing me washing my hands afterwards, he admonished me with the diktat that `no gentleman washes his hands after using a urinal'. Urinals have been a source of disquiet for me ever since. It is a question of divided loyalties. My nanny always drummed into me that I should wash my hands after going to the loci, but Sir lain was a great hero of mine, Can you clear up this matter once and for all, Mary, and tell me what is the correct protocol?
Name and address withheld A. Use of a full lavatory exposes the discharger of waste to a range of unsavoury surfaces, after which hand-washing is de rigueur. As far as urinals are concerned, however, Sir lain was correct, since the only 'surface' handled by the user is his own member. Historical evidence bears Out this rule of protocol. A study of architects' plans for the Palace of Westminster reveals that, while lavatories in the Lords were always equipped with washbasins, the latter were only introduced to urinals — many of which were separate — during the last war. Their introduction coincided with the relocation of the bomb-damaged Commons into the Lords, thus bringing an element of middle-class behaviour into
what had been previously a purely aristocratic domain:
Q. We often have large numbers of guests to stay and are amazed that only about 50 per cent of them leave tips in their bedrooms. Surely it is a time-honoured tradition to leave a gratuity for the staff? If no tip is left, is it a slur on the house, on the hosts? To avoid this problem, do you think it is wise to confront one's guests on the point of departure and ask for money? What is the correct form these days?
A.O., Doddington, Kent A. You should not take it personally. Failure to leave a tip is more indicative of today's last-minute lifestyles whereby people have lost the ability to think ahead and find themselves without any cash on them when it is time to leave. Egotism causes others who do have cash simply to forget to leave some. Why not take a tip from one
hostess who keeps an office-style petty-cash box in the vicinity of her visitors' book? When people are signing, one guest, by prior arrangement, draws attention to it, crying, 'Oh, could I cash a cheque with you so I can leave something for your daily?' This prompts negligent guests to fall into line, and they are usually only too pleased to have had their memories jogged.
Q. I am a journalist and am shortly to attend a small drinks party at which a powerful editor will be present. To my annoyance, I discover that a fellow journalist — younger and more physically attractive than I, although less talented — will also be present at this party. How can I prevent her from homing in on him and snapping up what patronage is at his disposal?
Name and address withheld A. Most chemists sell garlic pearls. On greeting the woman in question, use hugging pressure to discreetly burst one of these colourless, liquid-filled capsules on to her clothing near the face area. The editor will steer a wide berth when he comes into contact with her. Mary Killen If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London TVC1N 2LL.
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