B.O.O. AND D.A.D.O.S.
By M. CLARK-HALL
HOULD you ever open a door in a Military Headquarters and behold a rubicund face peering over an immense pile of forms of varying colours ; should the Officer in question have a pistol, a compass and a pair of binoculars hanging on the back of the door, all marked "A. Smith" in large letters ; should the Officer be clad in a brand new battledresi, be wearing black army boots . . then you may be certain that you are looking upon either B.O.O. or D.A.D.O.S.
These two individuals are not characters of A. A. Milne's. They are the Brigade Ordnance Officer and the Deputy Assistant to the Director of Ordnance Services, the latter living at Division. A.D.O.S., who inhabits Olympian heights, has never yet been seen, and for all we can tell may himself render homage to D.O.S. or even 0.S., or conceivably S. It is interesting to note here that in the Army, in contrast to other professions, an individual's importance may be gauged in inverse ratio to the number of letters attaching to his office. Thus, the Q.M.G., or Quarter-Master-General, may be classed as the Managing Director of the Army's Co-operative Wholesale Society, whilst the high-sounding D.A.A. and Q.M.G. is merely a shop-walker, no other than the humble Deputy-Assistant- Adjutant and Quarter-Master-General. Similarly, the P.M. signifies to the mind military the Provost Marshal, not the Prime Minister, an august personage at the War Office, whilst the A.D.A.P.M. is the Acting-Deputy-Assistant Provost Marshal, an infantry subaltern who holds unpopular office as head of a small band of "red-caps."
D.A.D.O.S. is always a remarkable man. If a regular soldier, he is often a ranker. If a war-time soldier, usually a business man. His brain is of a peculiar type, which classifies, divides and sub- divides everything on earth. Thus, a pair of pants are to him either "drawers—woollen, long," or "drawers—cotton, short." A plain slab of white wood is a "block—chopping, small." He is familiar with every one of the many thousands of articles which form the complete equipment of a Unit ; articles which vary from " razors—safety" for the martial chin and "laces—boot, pairs, I," to " carricrs—Bren, mark 2," and 25-pounder guns. Nor is this all; he must walk confidently about the maze of "proper channels" through which these articles are obtained. Let me give an example: 1nd-Lt. Brown desires to be possessed of a "board, map, Com- mander," to which he is entitled. He approaches his Unit Quarter- Master, who undertakes to procure it. The following correspondence then takes place: r. R.Q.M., rst Blankshires to D.A.D.O.S.: "Please let me have one 'board, map, Commander,' to complete scale of equipment under War Establishment WOUPT/1235/Q1/24/R. Indent is enclosed."
2. D.A.D.O.S. to R.Q.M., 1st Blankshires: "The form of indent required is AFQ.7o79.G. and not AFQ.7o73.A. Please re-submit."
3. R.Q.M., 1st Blankshires to D.A.D.O.S.: 'As no supply of AFQ.7o79.G. is available, please authorise and forward AFQ.7o73.A."
D.A.D.O.S. to R.Q.M., 1st Blankshires: "A supply of AFQ.7079.G. is obtainable on demand on . AFQ.1o6.F, a small supply of which I enclose."
(Eventually, after a lapse of three weeks, a supply of AFQ.7o79.G.
is obtained and an indent is submitted.)
5. D.A.D.O.S. to R.Q.M., it Blankshires:
"Your indent No. 103 on AFQ.7o79.G. is returned, as the wording should read : 'boards, map, Commander, a,' and not 'boards map, T.' Please amend."
t R.Q.M., sat Blankshires to D.A.D.O.S.: "Herewith indent No. 103 duly amended."
7. D.A.D.O.S. to R.Q.M., 1st Blankshires: "Under WOUPT/1235/Qr/27/Rr, your establishment is now 54 boards map, Commander, and not 24 as laid down in WOUPT/r235/Q1/24/R.
"Please recall 13 boards, map, Commander, and return to Ordnance Dump by 12.00 hours, 18th June."
In the end, not only does and-Lt. Brown not get his board, map, Commander, but that important piece of equipment is duly with- drawn from thirteen other indignant officers. D.A.D.O.S. always has the final word.
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