YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
p. Quite often I stay at my widowed father- In-law's large and hospitable house. Each tune, I am badly bitten by bedbugs. I have taken to sleeping in my trousers. Even so, the blighters find precisely where they stop at the waist. Bedbugs can live for 18 months without food, so they gorge greedi- ly! My wife is not attacked and she will not tell her father about those who share the bed for fear of hurting his feelings. How can I solve the problem? Name and address withheld A. Once bedbugs are in a mattress, the mattress must be got rid of as the pests cannot be removed. Fortunately, however, auction houses are currently full of mat- tresses which rentier owners have had to throw out to comply with EU regulations on flame-retardant fabrics. Pick up a new mattress for a fiver and secrete it in your father-in-law's house when you next go to stay there. Drive the other one straight to a dump. If you think he is likely to notice the swap, then announce breezily that you took the opportunity to pick up one of these L5 mattresses on your way over since You felt guilty about having spilt a mug of coffee over the old one during your last visit.
Q. My husband is perfect in every way except that he is too polite and consequent- ly finds it virtually impossible to get off the telephone. Instead, he carries on talking animatedly until the other person winds up. Then he comes back to me and says, `Phew, I couldn't get them off the line.' We are all busy people these days, Mary. What do you suggest as a cure?
C.H., Worcs A. Write out a list of excuses for someone needing to bring a call to a speedy conclu- sion: 'I was just lighting a fire; I need to take something out of the oven; I must go and see what's happened to the children; I've got something in my eye, I must get a mirror and see what it is.' Pin this list up next to the telephone. For urgent needs, he can simply interrupt the caller mid- sentence by saying, 'Hello? hello? Are you still there? That's odd, they seem to have hung up — unless there's something wrong with this phone.' He can then hang up and put on the answering machine to deal with the ring back.
Q. The surname Enroughty (Your prob- lems solved, 2 May) is, of course, pro- nounced Enty; and the family seat is situat- ed just outside Cockfosters (Coosters).
Rondebosch, Cape Town A. Ha, ha.
Q. Enquire Within (Herbert Jenkins, 115th edition) lists, on page 389, 'Enraght' pro- nounced en'rowt. I hope this will help O.K., London.
GI, Beaulieu, Hants
Mary Killen
Previous page
