YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I am a freelance journalist whose career has lapsed somewhat into the doldrums in the last year. I attribute this to the fact that I have not been going to the right parties or meeting the right people. I am about to make an effort and start going out again once the round of openings and launches starts this autumn. What should I say when people remark that they haven't seen my byline recently? I do not want to get the reputation of a has-been.
Name and address withheld A. Why not use the old trick of saying, 'I'm afraid I've been working mainly for Ameri- can publications in the last year. I can't afford not to as they pay so much better.' You can then qualify this, if talking to a features editor, by saying, 'But the trouble is, of course, Americans have no sense of humour so I'd love to do a piece for you, if you'd be interested.'
Q. I have an honest, reliable but awfully bad cleaning lady. When I advertised before the recession, she was the only applicant and, stupidly, I offered her dou- ble the going rate. Now I would love to trade her in for an efficient model, but can- not bring myself to do so because of her problems: husband's illness (diabetes and glaucoma) and looming bankruptcy. She is constantly on the verge of a nervous break- down and lives on Valium, which, in addi- tion to refusing to admit she needs glasses, renders her incapable of recognising dust and dirt. I cannot tell her we are moving/ going away on sabbatical etc. because we live in a small town and I would be bound to bump into her. Any suggestions?
C. S. Bradford-on-Avon A. Why not find an area of house manage- ment in which your daily is competent — perhaps ironing, shopping or even watch- dogging? Round up neighbours who need the same services performed, so as to fill up enough hours per week to guarantee her existing income. You can then outwit your daily by announcing that as she is so bril- liant at ironing/shopping or watch-dogging, you are taking her off cleaning altogether so that she can use her talents to their best advantage. Come down on her like a ton of bricks should you meet with any opposition to this new scheme.
Q. A few years ago, I remember reading in your column about the problem a reader had when someone was taken ill in the mid- dle of Mass at her local Catholic church. I was at Mass in St Tropez on Easter Sunday this year when, during the sermon, there was a commotion at the back of the extremely crowded church as someone had been taken ill. A man started asking for a doctor in a loud and authoritative voice (in French, of course), whereupon the priest stopped his sermon temporarily, and a doc- tor left his seat and went to the aid of the patient. This seemed to me an extremely sensible course of action, so perhaps you would like to pass on the information to your readers?
S.A., London W11 A. Thank you for your courtesy in submit- ting this tip.
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