All the fun of the fare
Digby Anderson
HAPPY DAYS WITH THE NAKED CHEF by Jamie Oliver
Michael Joseph/Penguin, £20, pp. 320, ISBN 0718144848
Gordon Bennett! I bet you guys didn't expect The Spectator to wheel out old buffer Diggers to do the words on young 011ie. And doesn't 011ie show us fuddyduddy cooks a thing or two? In fact two of the very first are full-page pix of a pair of amazing babies, Little Henners and Jakey Bakey. There's one of 011ie's dad too and plenty of his lovely and amazing wife, loots; do you know, he lives with her in London? Not to mention the odd one of the boy himself. Did I say odd one? There are 54 of him. This is billed as 011ie's biggest book so far. Now you know why. Boom boom boom.
Seriously, all the girl cooks will want the picture of Oliver walking across a pedestrian crossing or the one with him eating on the floor with his shoes off. Talk about down to earth, yep. 011ie wants all you guys to chill out and have lots of fun cooking and eating — and shopping; he's hot on that. His secret for making grub damn tasty is 'shopping for all the very best ingredients'. Here's some of these first-class ingredients that the full-blooded Essex boy includes in recipes in this book. There's Newkie brown ale, tomato ketchup (not only terrific with fish-finger butties but, it you drink enough of it, he says, it could lower your chance of getting prostate cancer by 45 per cent — that's coot), a bottle of pre-made horseradish, stock cubes, 'good' but unspecified Cheddar cheese, nice white soft bread, unspecified chicken breasts, 'good' but unspecified peeled prawns, brown sauce, fish fingers, 'not too big' but otherwise unspecified courgettes, unspecified eggs, unspecified salmon, more Cheddar as a substitute for Parmesan, water as an alternative to stock.
011ie's got some scrumptious recipes too that really hit the spot. There's one for beef stew, one for chilli con came (so good, you should make lots, bag it, freeze it. then just boil the hags) and another for toad in the hole. I've always wanted recipes for all three but never been able to find them. Great. Some recipes are a bit brain-taxing, like the whole page given to a five-line
recipe for coriander chutney. There's some really hot tips on how to get sorted with oysters on ice; that's the way to take the taste out of the buggers; k0000l them. There's recipes for kids — Jakey kids not son-of-Billy kids, and for kids to do not kids for us to eat — lots of pasta and salads. But don't worry; there's loadsa pictures too with smashing colours; lemoncoloured lemon pickle, pink prawns with yellow Cheddar (a different yellow from the lemons), brown steak with a beige roll and yoghurt-coloured yoghurt. Fabulous. And jokes, such as the recipes for stickysausage bap with grated mild Cheddar and brown sauce, and fish-finger sandwiches with ketchup. You're pulling your pals' whatnots, 011ie, aren't you?
But best of all I liked 011ie's tips for living a long time. He's an expert on what his mate, Andy, the gasfitter, calls eating helffy. Remember to eat slowly, otherwise your brain can't catch up with what you're eating. You've got to listen to your brain. And it's a good idea too to eat a banana before you have your first bevvy.
Old bores might say there's nothing in this book that a good cook needs and it won't do much for a bad one — too many unspecifieds. But what does that matter? Just enjoy yourself, get stuck in, happy days. roc
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