An outing in St James’s
Joseph Connolly
SHOPPING
Tis the season for all those smug or withering articles by women insisting how very useless men are at shopping: it’s nonsense — they can do it, but they do need a plan. And, by good fortune, here it is: the idea is to acquire a stylish gift for everybody on your list during the course of an easy three-hour stroll through the better parts of London’s West End, this to commence with champagne as a bracer, and conclude with a damn good lunch, by way of self-congratulation. I kicked off in Piccadilly and ended up in Brook Street, but you could do it the other way around. So: a glass of bubbles in the chic little bar at the glorious Wolseley, and then around the corner to St James’s Street. At Lock & Co, they have plum or black velvet smoking caps, tasselled and embroidered with gold, all in a dinky hat box — perfect for balder gentlemen or stylish women: £185. And to smoke while wearing it? James J. Fox, the best cigar merchant in London, has every Havana you dream of — and here’s a scoop: because they are specialists, you can legally ‘sample’ a cigar on the premises (and many do). I recommend three Montecristo Edmundo in a polished mahogany box: £56. In Jermyn Street, there is Hilditch & Key for the finest shirts in the world: only £79.95. For ladies there is, among much else, the ultimate dressinggown: fine herringbone piped cotton, in pastels, £125.
At Fortnum & Mason, of course, you can just go nuts (their salted cashews are peerless) — but do make for the quirky third floor where there are fine Folio Society volumes (Christmas Books by Dickens, £54.95, or Edward Lear’s Complete Nonsense at £24.95 are excellent bets). Here, too, is the finest gift-wrapping service, and also stuff for men: I was torn between the range of Missoni scarves with muted zigzags and chevrons (£110) and a six-foot leather rhino at £1,850 which you can sit on and... well, that’s it, really. On the second floor, very attractive Beatrix Potter softies — Jeremy Fisher being especially smart in a pink velvet jacket (£25). Modest foodie gifts on the ground floor include a bright red tin of biscuits which, when wound, plays ‘Jingle Bells’. At £9.95, you’ve got to. As to booze, well... in dreamland, a bottle of Latour 1970 (£535) or a jeroboam of Dom Pérignon 1995 (£2,500, I’m afraid).
Before the Burlington Arcade comes Sackville Street: Henry Sotheran is a fine antiquarian bookseller — you are ruined for choice, but a morocco-bound first edition of Three Men in a Boat (£498) or a jacketed first edition of William’s Television Show (£198) should be very well received. And in the Arcade, Ladurée sells those very fashionable technicolour macaroons — £11 will get you a pop art box of eight, any hue you like. At the Vintage Watch Company, you can get a Rolex (steel or gold) made in the date of someone’s birth (at a price) and — in similarly nostalgic theme — Penfriend has racks of old and mottled Conway Stewarts and Watermans, not to say the iconic Parker 51.
And so to Bond Street. The first floor of Tiffany has bargains — silver-etched, slim enamelled ballpoints for £80 are good (in the famous blue box, which is most of the point). Pricier, at £1,275, is a sterling silver Tintin Rocket money box. At Charbonnel et Walker, in a large circular box (£32 upwards) you can have a message spelt out in scrumptious lettered chocolates (loving or abusive, but not libellous). Lalique has a smoked-glass car mascot of a languorous naked woman (£425) — a bit like the one on the Rolls-Royce, following orgasm. Smythson, of course, for all fine stationery — and also the Sam-Cam-designed handbags in zingy colours (£600 upwards): ‘Maze’ is the new one, but ‘Nancy’ has classic written all over it. Little leather notebooks (£28-£40) with titles such as ‘Me Me Me’ might just strike a chord.
The big surprise is Fenwick. Downstairs in an obscure small corner, very clever buyers have crammed in excellent baby things and all the traditional wooden toys that Fortnum’s used to sell but now doesn’t. Also, all sorts of old-fashioned quality — trays and bins with hunting prints, enamelled teaspoons, silver-topped canes (£39.50) and glass jars of gobstoppers (£7.99). The cards and giftwrap are all you need.
And now it’s done. You’ve earned your lunch. And Claridge’s, the best hotel in London, will happily attend to all your needs. The elegance and deep peace of the Art Deco bar after London’s hurly-burly will encourage a smile. More champagne, and possibly the quartet of dishes of the day — ever changing, always wonderful (and the English cheeses are not to be missed). Christmas — it comes but once a year, and at tranquil moments such as these, this can even be a source of regret.
Joseph Connolly’s latest novel is Jack the Lad and Bloody Mary (Faber and Faber, £8.99).
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