YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Juanita, otherwise a gem, witnessed a dishwasher mechanic repeatedly switch our machine on and off during a routine service visit. Since then, our dishwasher has been subjected to the same brutal treatment when a stray teaspoon or glass is discovered by Juanita during the machine's mid- cycle. In spite of constant remonstrations (because J. is not on duty at weekends when we often have dinner parties and need to use the machine ourselves) she continues to show off with the inevitable result of serial machine breakdowns Cif the mechanic can do, so I can do'). Advice please.
R.M.L. W., La Tour de Peilz, Switzerland A. Ask a co-operative friend (whom Juanita has never met) to nip round one morning wearing a boiler suit and carrying a tool bag. When Juanita arrives your friend can come out of the kitchen wag- ging his finger and saying, 'Machine mended now but no more switching on and off mid-cycle. Understand? No more. Otherwise machine keep breaking! Other mechanic bad man. Silly man!' Q. We are writing because we have a deli- cate problem we cannot solve. We are an elderly couple and we have a tomcat who is also elderly called 'Spotty'. Although still healthy, he has lost his former zest for life and regrettably looks a bit like Nora's boyfriend in The Last of the Summer Wine. A dear old acquaintance has got into the habit of addressing the poor thing every time she comes round as 'Scruffy', which bothers us. And, although you may not believe it, even our cat, when he is called that way, seems to sulk and turn his back to the offending visitor. We are at a loss for any ideas as to how to make this dear old friend understand that the cat has a proper name which he has got used to over the years. Could you help with any suggestions? We don't want to hurt this friend's feelings, but her attitude is a source of some discom- fort for us all.
N.J., Montevideo, Uruguay A. Next time your friend comes round comment that you have just been into a pet shop and are astounded at the variety of personalised cat ware which is now available. Say, 'It's quite incredible. I could have had a water bowl with Spotty on it, a cat cushion with Spotty on it, even a cat mirror with Spotty written on it . . . ' and carry on ad nauseam. If your friend chuckles, 'Oh, well, I always call your cat Scruffy. That's my little joke.' You can rejoin, 'Oh, no wonder he looks so sad when you come round. Scruffy is the name of a dog who used to chase him.' `Poor Spotty!' you can coo sympathetical- ly. 'Actually, he was very frightened of Scruffy,' you can whisper to your friend, `you mustn't call him that again!'
Mary Killen
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