Q. I, Ms Female, have been happily married for a
year to Mr Male. We went to live in New Zealand, I have a career and we chose to keep our own names. My in-laws live in Australia and are old-fashioned to the extent that all communications are addressed to Mr and Mrs Male. No amount of reason or coercing has changed this one jot. Now there is a baby on the way and presents are arriving from Australia addressed to 'Baby Male', and I feel I am losing my identity as the child too might lose his. What is the best way to deal with this archaic, bullying yet generous behaviour?
Name and address withheld A. It is all too clear that you live in New Zealand. This sort of antique thinking has largely been discontinued in England where oestrogenisation of the water supply has rendered it irrelevant for women to fight off male oppressors since there are none. It would seem from your letter that New Zealand has not yet been similarly affected. Please enjoy being oppressed and having your identity undermined while you still can. The resentment you nurse is probably giving you more of an identity than you might have when the 'bullying' ceases.
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