Imperative cooking: unhealthy Mediterranean food , HEALTHY–EATING loonies divide into two
sorts. There are those who would eat cardboard if told it would extend their mis- erable lives by an hour. They have no inter- est in food. Then there are those whose even more implausible message is that eat- ing cardboard is not only good for you, but that good quality cardboard, carefully pre- pared and thinly sliced, can be quite as deli- cious as roast pork.
They have found a cover for their deceit- ful and evil propaganda, tht Mediter- ranean. The Med peoples, they claim, eat wonderful food which is also very healthy. For health and pleasure, just switch to the diets of Languedoc, Catalonia, Puglia, Cal- abria, Crete and Andalucia.
The claim is fraudulent and a slur on the Mediterranean which has some splendidly, indeed several uniquely, 'unhealthy' dishes and characteristics. Or at least, they are `unhealthy' as defined by the loonies. Loonies disapprove of animal fats, eggs and dairy products (except low-fat yoghurt), sugar, salt, alcohol, tobacco, and like fish, vegetables and anything brown.
It is true that along some of the actual coasts of the Mediterranean a lot of fish is eaten. I remember wonderful dishes of mussels near Sete steamed open and stuffed with so much sausage meat they had to be tied in cotton before cooking; from the same region, mussels and grey mullet, baked in a buttery, creamy béchamel. Nearby, and a little inland, is the famous brandade of salted cod mashed with oil and milk and served with fried bread. Both inland and on the coast, these are the lands of charcuterie, salami, mor- tadella, chorizo, pancetta, all with lashings of fat and salt, not to mention pâtés with at least 50 per cent fat. Proper households in southern France certainly eat fish but as often as not follow it with meat daubes, Iamb with garlic, ducks or tripes.
Olive oil does not banish other fats. Nowhere is more duck or goose fat eaten than in south west France. Countless recipes call for oil and the French and Spanish equivalents of bacon. Much of northern Mediterranean Italy uses butter copiously. The pasta and rice is next to never brown. The cheeses of France are full of dairy fats.
In Andalucia, as I keep reminding Spec- tator readers, breakfast may well be toasted white bread covered in pork fat preceded by full cream milk (with chocolate) accom- panied by very unhealthy strong coffee, sent down by a triple brandy or anise and aided by a cigarette or even a cigar. Late at night, before retiring, the Almerians visit the Bar S. Rita for quails' eggs fried with white bread, more brandy and a thin piece of chorizo which awaits them lying sub- merged in three inches of melted fat in a square dish on the plancha. And every- where, from Spain back to southern Sicily, there is salt, in anchovies, in semi-pre- served cheese, in charcuterie, in all cooked dishes, with handfuls thrown on salads. Southern Spain and Italy are also the lands of sweet syrups and sticky Arab-influenced dishes and cakes and biscuits, while south- ern France has its pastry tarts, and all put away with gallons of ice-cream. This won- derful culture of sugar, salt, meats, dairy products and tobacco is lubricated by wine, pastis, brandy, grappa and strong espresso coffee. What good news that it is statistical- ly associated with health.
Anyway, it all means there is fun to be had. If you know a healthy-eating loony, invite him to a 'Mediterranean dinner'. I suggest: Pastis (three); assorted salami, the bloodiest morcilla, the fattiest pancetta and pâté with lots of butter; then, either lasagne `stuffed' with pork, béchamel and butter, or eggs fried in goose fat with potato; for fish, mixed fried fishes but it must include salt- cod puréed with oil and milk, bread- crumbed and deep-fried; then Elizabeth David's 'Mediterranean' cassoulet with belly of pork, breast of mutton, pork rind, gammon, preserved goose, goose dripping or pig's lard plus beans and herbs. Cas- soulet can be heavy, so chaps will want a smoke after and it will need lots of strong red wine (at least 13 per cent): Then on to a full cheese board with some Italian and Spanish 'dried' cheeses — to keep the salt up — and Frog ones for fat; a Mediter- ranean extravaganza of pastries and sweets; cigars, espresso coffee and brandy. Bread is white and there is optional ice-cream.
Just before your loony guests leave, offer them a S. Rita for the journey home — the driver will need a napkin so that he can eat his chorizo as he drives without it oozing red pork fat on to his trousers.
Digby Anderson
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