GOD SAVE KAISER TONY
Our Premier, says Frederick Forsyth,
is displaying alarmingly German characteristics
I WONDER how many of your readers have realised that all the anomalies in Tony Blair are explained if one recognises that he is an intensely Germanic young man. I have met dozens exactly like him, but almost all east of the Rhine.
He always seeks first to persuade with fixed-grin charm. If that does not work he becomes irritated, then angry, and resorts to the jabbing forefinger. If that fails he quickly passes the matter to acolytes behind him who are no strangers to the iron fist.
He has to stick to a prepared script, which is why hecklers and probing inter- views must be excised. This Germanic inability to cope with the unplanned explains the frenzied reaction to Salmond, Morgan, Livingstone. Once again, they have to be handed over to the hard squad.
He clearly has a deep admiration for the German political system, especially the utter impotence of the constituencies, achieved through no-choice candidate allo- cation, and the slavishness of the back- benchers, derived from the Goyf (Grovel or you're fired) system. Hence also the attraction of PR, producing virtually the same government run by the same top-of- the-closed-list faces, election after election (27 September in Germany really was a phenomenon, the first in 50 years).
His vision for Britain is pretty clear now and completely Teutonic: basically a feder- al as opposed to a unitary state, with the provinces/Lander/regions governed by party-nominated satraps all inclining to the quasi-permanent chancellor. Later, when Crown and Parliament have been margin- alised to irrelevance, perhaps a republic to replace constitutional monarchy.
This certainly constitutes not a Third Way but a 'New Order'. Some of us older coves recall where that phrase originally came from and who initiated it.
Look closely and several other trans- Rhine traits emerge. The endless refer- ences to 'the people' actually mask a patronising disdain, as Mr Mandelson's reference to the horny-handed and dirty- overalled among us revealed. The grinning is constant, but a persistent observer will trace not a hint of real mirth or humour, only an acquired social grace. The effort- less ability to arrogate the complete approval of Almighty God to personal and political views comes to us straight from the Kameraden.
Surely the media must have been instructed to use the same verbatim phrase that is repeated in every organ? The one about Mr B. 'being a committed . . . [yeh, yeh] ... wife and family ... [sure, sure] . . . every Sunday . .. [we know, we know]'. His friend Helmut Kohl was another who could not open the cake-chute without referring to his deep commitment to his best friend and number one fan Almighty G.
There are those who think the Germans are a stolid and impassive people. Just the opposite — that's the Flemish. Germans are intensely emotional and devoted to the- atricality. Anyone who can stand in the middle of Belfast and say, 'This is no time for soundbites, but I feel the Hand of His- tory on my shoulder' has definitely been on the Goethe. The only other man I ever met who said something similar told me, 'Mr Forceps, I know that the hand of God is upon me.' That was General Van Den Berg, head of the old South African secret police, and of course he was barking. But even he did not release 200 homicidal psy- chopaths into society.
The last week gave us another and fur- ther apercu into the psycho-makeup of Mr B. He was contradicted not once but five times by the House of Lords over the issue of the intensely anti-democratic closed list.
The reaction was some pretty serious rage. Apparently it is all the fault of the Tory hereditary peers who only carry out Mr Hague's bidding. What New Labour (which does not tell the truth any more) and the Conservatives (who do not do research any more) and the media (give me strength) failed to point out was that in the five-year period 1992-97 the Lords sent back 241 pieces of John Major's legislation, and I do not recall old John nib- bling the bokhara. In fact Labour's score rate through the Lords is better than Major's last two years, which rather knocks the Toil poodle tag on the head. But the passionate anger that greets any contradiction is right from the Schwarzwald.
Finally, I suppose, comes Mr B.'s obses- sion with a different sort of order — the one expressed by the German Ordnung — which refers to a loathing of untidiness. The trouble is, representative parliamen- tary democracy (Mr Mandelson told a Ger- man audience some months ago that it vya,5 coming to an end anyway) can get a bit untidy at times and even involve surprises. But there are still a few of us left, whether readers of The Spectator or the Guardian, who really quite like parliamen- tary democracy; or at any rate prefer it to being marched off in dragooned, neat and obedient lines, goose-stepping towards Mr Blair's Rave New World.
Well, well, is that the time? Do excuse me. It's 3 a.m. and I think I hear someone knocking at the door.
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