Preserving the rot

POLITICAL COMMENTARY AUBERON WAUGH

Ladywood, Birminghum – 'Put the Doctor in the House' is the Tories' slogan in the Ladywood by-election, where polling is on Thursday of this week. It seems as likely to win the amiable Tory candidate, Dr Louis Glass, as many votes as anything else in Britain's rottenest borough. Lady- wood was to have been abolished before the next general election, if Mr Callaghan had found himself able to accept the Boundary Commissioners' report. It would have been taken over by Mr Brian Wal- den's neighbouring constituency of All Saints, which was going to change its name to Ladywood in deference to the wishes of Mr Victor Yates, the former member whose death has caused the by-election. But Mr Callaghan decided otherwise. Under dif- ferent circumstances one would pause here to pay a little tribute to the wholehearted thoroughness of his gerrymandering.

In effect, he has taken a step which is only a tiny bit less grave than pushing a Bill through Parliament to prolong the life of the Government. It is not only a con- stitutional principle that constituency boundaries should be regularly reviewed by an independent body and (as a result of a series of Acts of Parliament passed with all-party support) brought up to date at least every fifteen years; it is also essen- tial to the idea of representative democracy. But no doubt the Tories would have made exactly the same outraged noises if Mr Callaghan had proposed even small modifi- cations to the Boundary Commissioners' suggestions, and there is much to be said for the choice of being hanged for a sheep.

Of course, there is nothing to prevent the Lords from using their delaying powers to the full on Mr Callaghan's Redistribution of Seats (No 2) Bill when it reaches them. Their position is now much more secure since the Parliament (No 2) Bill was dropped to make way for the Industrial Relations Bill, and now that the Industrial Relations Bill has been dropped to make way for Mr Callaghan's gerrymander Bill there would be a certain piquancy in the situation if the gerrymander Bill failed as the result of the activity of the unreformed Lords. Labour activism and Labour purposiveness would have described an entirely delightful circle, like a kitten chasing its own tail. There are austere voices in the Tory councils which suggest that the Lords would be acting im- properly if they interfered in business which exclusively concerns the House of Com- mons. But Big Breadwinner Himself, open- ing the debate before Mr Callaghan's announcement, said that if the Govern- ment decided to break the law by the un- constitutional use of a temporary parlia- mentary majority, the opposition would re- gard this as 'constitutional impropriety'. And if the second chamber has a single useful function, it is surely to protect us from constitutional improprieties. In any case, the Tories are now taking legal advice. If Mr Callaghan's behaviour is illegal, the Lords will certainly throw out any Bill making it legal. We may yet see, Sunny Jim behind bars.

I have said that under different circum- stances one would be forced to admire Mr Callaghan's boldness and it would look very bold—courageous even—outside the cir-

cumstances of the Ladywood by-election, which simply could not come at a worse time from the Government's point of view. While the House of Commons is preparing to debate the proposition that the bound- aries should remain unchanged, Britain's rottenest borough goes to the polls.

In theory the electorate in Ladywood is just over 18,000 but in fact some 1,500 of these have left the constituency. The general election produced a 59 per cent poll, but if the by-election produces only a 50 per cent poll—and this seems far from unlikely—then there will be only 9,000 votes to share among the three main con- tenders, not to mention the two minor ones. All in all, it seems most unlikely that the winner--informed sources in Ladywood back Councillor Wallace Lawler, the Liberal—will have more than 5,000 votes behind him, and it could be as few as 3,000.

Ladywood is not, thank God, typical of any constituency in the United Kingdom. Not only does it have the smallest electorate but the electorate is also exclusively work- ing class, and almost exclusively housed in council estates. The official proportion of those in municipal housing is 90 per cent, but it is thought to be higher. The inhabi- tants live in huge, rather fragile-looking tower blocks, where they enjoy magnificent plumbing and under-floor heating, but Jievertheless complain of giddiness, a sense of social dislocation, the cost of electricity and the rents. The few remaining slums are said to make Calcutta look like Leaming- ton Spa, but your political correspondent was unable to trace them, finding nothing but affluence and discontent. Since the Tories captured Birmingham in 1966, they have raised council rents to something nearer their economic level, so that families living in the newest accommodation are sometimes appalled to find themselves pay- ing as much as six pounds a week in rent. Unemployment is virtually nil, as is coloured immigration, since all councils have ingenious ways of keeping coloured immigrants out of their accommodation. A majority of voters, however, feel that coloured immigration ought to be an issue.

In other words, we have a Wedgbenn Utopia, with everyone living in the greatest imaginable comfort yet still feeling dis- contented enough to vote Labour under normal conditions. All three main candi- dates are local councillors, and political dialogue seldom leaves the parish pump for long. The Liberal candidate, Councillor Wallace Lawler, a man of exceptional energy, has what can only be described as a genius for discovering people's grievances. On the day I saw him, he issued a state- ment condemning Mr Crossman's increases in national insurance premiums, demanding

a vast increase in retirement pensions and the reduction of taxes. Needless to say, he goes down like a bomb, Gallup produced a report suggesting that he would win, which no doubt he will, but the Waughplan survey indicates only a record number of spoiled voting papers. However, it would be difficult to describe the first im- pression created by Mr Lawler within the restrictions of the polite language to which readers of this column are accustomed, so we had better wait until he is safely in Westminster before attempting any pen- portraits.

The Conservative candidate, by contrast, is a most delightful person. This is so rare a quality among Conservative candidates that I hope I will not be accused of self- indulgence if I dwell on him. Not since nice young Kenneth Baker swept into Acton on the slogan 'Keep Acton Edwardian' has a by-election produced anything half so pleasant. Dr Glass is a retired general prac- titioner of sixty-five who disapproves of the health service in a quiet, despondent way, but doubts whether he will be able to per- suade Mr Heath to change his mind on the subject. Where immigration is con- cerned, he rather thinks he supports Mr Heath. Did this mean that he repudiated Black Powell? 'To tell you the truth, if you analyse them carefully, you can't see much difference'.

I attended one of his open-air meetings, in the company of two reporters, twelve children and a black dog. His greatest success was when Mr Robert Carr paid a visit and nearly forty turned up. 'I think some of the more thoughtful people were quite interested in what he had to say'. Dr Glass is a Birmingham man through and through, but he has already visited Lon- don on several occasions in his capacity as vice-chairman of the British Waterworks Association. Now, in retirement, he buys and breeds racehorses, attributing his success to medical knowledge. 'I feel along their muscles. When you buy a racehorse, you're really buying muscle'. He couldn't think of any issue on which he would differ from the leadership, as he has always been a party man. A lot of Ladywood electors have been telling him that all poli- ticians can go to hell, which seemed to give him a certain quiet satisfaction.

And Labour's Mrs Doris Fisher has al- ways been a party woman. Although she had reservations about In Place of Strife, she made recognisably Barbara Castle noises on every other issue, except that she has a Birmingham accent. Outside Birmingham it would be hard to see her as anything but a buffoon, but among her own people she is strangely formidable. The Ieast for- midable candidate in this election appears to be Mr Colin Jordan, national secretary of the British Movement, formerly known as the National Socialist party. There is also a Fellowship candidate, standing for world peace etc.

The only useful or relevant thing to learn from Ladywood is how very much all poli- ticians are disliked by the prosperous work- ing classes, as they try to cope with swollen feet from the under-floor heating and un- controllable giddiness whenever they look out of their windows. Free asbestos shoes might be a help in the first instance, but the second is plainly more difficult. What about tower blocks built underground? Any party which claims to have a social conscience

had better put its idealism to work, or

soon the dwindling number of Ladywood voters won't bother to vote at all.