No. 1302: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked for a song for delegates of EEC members to sing at their gatherings to promote unity and amity. Mountains of butter, fountains of win?: if the CAP fits ... It was hard to avoid cliches. It was also hard to avoid writing a song which subtly undermined fraternity rather than appeared to strengthen it. Six good winners emerged, each of whoa'', printed below, gets £8. I'm sorry my own Euro-lake can't supply a bonus bottle this week. Tariff trouble.

`Europa, will you marry me?' `Mais oui! Yes. Cinnte. Ja. Si, si.' `And we'll grow up a family?' `Mais oui! Yes. Cinnte. Ja. Si, si.' In whiskies, brandies, wines and beers Here's slainte, sante, prosit, cheers

To Belgian pluck, Dutch warmth of heart, German brain, Italian art, Irish genius, eloquence Of Hellas, Luxembourgers' sense, French esprit and British feeling. Jove a bull? More lamb-like kneeling:

:Europa, will you marry me?' Mats oui! Yes, Cinnte. Ja. Si, si.'

(George Moor) Angle and Frank and Teuton, Fleming, Walloon and Celt, Each of us is resolute on Seeing all enmity melt. So we'll all band together,

Transcending all thoughts of self, And banish all bombast and blether,

And outlaw all lust for pelf.

Athenian, maybe, or Roman, Londoner, Dubliner, Dane -

All are determined that no man Shall prise us apart again. So comradely toasts we utter As blithely we sit and dine,

Scoffing our mountains of butter And quaffing our lakes of wine.

(Jon Fernside) United we stand, divided we fall, Selling to Peter and buying from Paul. One vision fires us, One thought inspires us: Only the weakest go to the wall.

Refrain: Gloria, gloria, Europhoria!

Common faith and common goal!

Meat and milk and wine and butter Make a smashing casserole!

Let the end of all our striving Be the peace that love promotes, With our hands in perfect friendship Firmly round each other's throats!

(Roger Woddis) We're the boys, we're the boys of the EEC, And we travel all over Europe free And we make up rules about all we see. We love our Euro-seats!

Our wine helps make The Euro-lake And, in its wake, Our Euro-pay! If, for our sake, You help to bake Our Euro-cake Then you're OK.

We're the boys, we're the boys who do the sums.

We collect the bread and account for crumbs, And our meetings last for hours, which numbs Our brains and Euro-seats!

(N. J. Warburton) Bel Paese, Roquefort, Lymeswold, Cambezola, Danablu Roll the names around your tongue And taste our common culture too!

Whisky, Advocaat, Retsina, Sherry, Schnapps, VSOP With your glasses overflowing Rise and toast the EEC!

Foie gras, salmon, Danish pastries, Antipasti, Pilsener beer ...

While the gravy train keeps rolling Let's not question why we're here!

(Peter Norman) We ploughed the fields and scattered The good seed on the land, And now we find it mattered That crops outstripped demand.

No udder's pearly fountain Was e'er allowed to cease, And so our butter mountain Doth massively increase.

There's surplus upon surplus As far as eye can see, Our Treaty's hidden purpose, Our sacred CAP.

The good the Lord has brought us Shows that He loves us still.

Let's pray that He'll support us By picking up the bill. (Charles Carr)