A prize of six guineas was offered for a dialogue

between G. B. S. and St. Peter. on the presentation of the former at Heaven's gate, demanding admission.

Tuts competition, in honour of Shaw's centenary, offered competitors an oppor- tunity for a clever imitation or parody of his dialectical genius. Few of them took it, or, apparently, were able to take it. I should judge that about two-thirds of those who tried based their efforts, not on a first- hand knowledge of his works, but on the ignorance of him acquired from the fic- tional G. B. S. exploited in the popular press. Some of them evaded the difficulty by giving nearly all the conversation to St. Peter who, in their opinion, is an anti- Shavian of the most venomous kind. He is made to accuse Shaw of 'abysmal ignor- ance'; he declares that there is `no eminent writer so entirely despised'; he is 'the first unpleasant person' to enter Heaven; 'only interested in himself'; and (crowning libel) 'wrote his books to enrich himself.' Naturally, I should have overlooked the prejudice had tht competitors concerned produced a lifelike Shaw or even a credible St. Peter. But . . . I say no more.

Among those who knew their Shaw better were Barbara Smoker, who opened strongly, but closed with curious flatness; R. Kennard Davis who, like some other entrants, made play with St. Joan; and two competitors who exploited the Pygmalion epithet : Albert Polack, whose Shaw says, when invited by St. Peter to walk in : 'Me walk? Not bloody likely! Wings, if, you please.' And Roger Till, who changed the ,epithet to 'ParUdisally:

I have chosen, not with any enthusiasm, four winners to share the prize equally : A. M. Sayers, E. C. Jenkins, D. L. L. Clarke and Margaret Bishop (this last not printed). It is only. fair to add, however, that there were telling phrases in the entries of Freda Peckham, Edgar Caton, W. K. Holmes, Alberick, Annie Allen, J. Aitken, John Brown, Gloria Prince, Pibwob, G. J. Blundell, Frank Dunnill and J. A. Lindon.

PRIZES

(A. M. SAYERS)

PETER (from the threshold): Aren't you coming in, Mr. Shaw?

SHAW: Thank you—in one moment. I was just explaining to these people the difference between your establishment and the other. It's absurd how the unsuitable ones arc quite con- fident about getting in and the suitable ones are too diffident to apply. I thought I had made it perfectly clear in Man and Superman. PETER: Most kind of you, Mr. Shaw, to be so helpful. Perhaps you would take an appointment as liaison officer?

SHAW: Ah-1 should enjoy that! But only as part-time. There are so many interesting people inside that I ought to meet. After all, I have my own spiritual development to consider.

PETER: What refreshing modesty! Most newcomers seem to think that admission sets a seal on their perfection. Well, suppose you put in an hour or two at the gate from time to time? . . .

(E. C. JENKINS) The Devil, my dear St. Peter, has been doing his damnedest to get me. Promised me a National Theatre and Simplified Spelling. I preferred Heaven.' 'Very good of you, Mr. Shaw. By the way, what a mess you made of that will. I don't want to rub it in—but, as they say, Man proposes. . . 'I was only ninety, you know; I was doing my best.' 'We'd take you like a shot, Mr. Shaw, if it wasn't for this egalitarianism of yours. Now it's got into the Labour Party. God knows we couldn't take a risk like that up here. We have to maintain the differentials in glory.' 'I quite see your point. However, as a Fabian, I'm in no hurry. Might I suggest that I become a sort of affiliated member of the Commonwealth of Heaven; something Itke India and South Africa in the British Commonwealth of Nations?' 'A splendid solution, Mr. Shaw. I'll ring for the Red Carpet.'

(0. L. L. CLARKE)

ST. PETER: Shaw? Shaw, G. B. Ah Yes, b. 1856. Dublin. Well?

G. B. S.: Well? You don't sound too wel' coming!

ST. P.: You do not sound very humble. What makes you think you have come to the right place?

G. B. S.: Have you not a vacancy for a bass horn?

ST. P.: 'An improved version of the see' pent. . . Hardly suitable here, surely?

Ci. B S.: Perhaps St. Joan of Arc might give me a reference?

Si. P.: My dear fellow, you are preaching to the converted: besides, we have alreadY admitted Pope Calixtus for vindicating her. 500 years ago to the year. What else have YOU to say for yourself? G. B. S.: Plenty—you'll find most of it in my Plays. Sr. P.: Oh we know about them, but I'm afraid they're on the Index. G. B. S.: Even the Black Girl?

Si. P.': I believe she was black-balled--' you'll find us rather conservative, I fear.

G. B. S.: What about spelling-reform?

Sr. P.: It takes a good man to tackle that, ye—e—cs. Come in I