Conversational Openings. By Mrs. Hugh Bell. (E. Arnold. 2s. 6d.)
—Mrs. Hugh Bell has embarked upon a mission to the Stupid. She has come to the conversational rescue of Goodman Dull and his wife, and has provided that worthy couple with formulte to be committed to memory, and which she suggests may be used in the game of talk as " openings " are used in chess. Not content with this, Mrs. Bell has given us appropriate ways of tying up neatly the tangled threads of conversations. May the present writer be there to hear the first time use is made of the follow- ing suggested "simple and beautiful" end to a conversation at a "Court-train" tea :—" Feathers be on your head." "And hate on yours." What will happen, however, when the guest says "Feathers be on your head" if her hostess has never read Mrs. Bell's admirable phrase-book ? In addition to providing society with the useful clichés alluded to above, one chapter in the little book is called "Drawing-Room Games," and describes the ordinary pastimes of society as though they were games arranged for two parties,—the hostess generally being what children call " It " or "He," and the guests the players. This section will give a severe attack of social despondency to the thoughtful reader, and make him wonder with Thackeray whether "his own fireside, and the dullest of all dull books, were not better than that dull game." We wonder whether Mrs. Bell is prepared for the Oriental cast which the adoption of her suggestions would give to society. What is the term of endearment with which we all preface our letters but a paraphrase of the Eastern beginning "after compliments" ? And will not the increase of formulie give to all our conversations the turn of the immortal duet between the traveller and the Packs in "Bothen ? " "This possible policeman of Bedfordshire," translates the Dragoman on behalf of his master, "is recounting his achievements and the number of his titles." Paella, "The end of his honours is more distant than the ends of the Earth, and the catalogue of his glorious deeds is brighter than the firmament of Heaven." We commend the Pacha as a great model to Mrs. Bell when she adds once more to the gaiety of nations by bringing out an enlarged edition of her book.
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