A prize of £5 was offered for irregular degrees of

comparison on the model of" liar, dam' liar, expert witness."

As I opened the envelope containing the entries for this competition' the sound of the grinding of axes was loud and clear. And as I took out the entries, my fingers narrowly escaped being pricked on the prejudices with which they bristled. Evidently this exercise gave scoPe for purging a great deal of bile—which was, however, better for the entrants than for the entries. There were one or two surprises. First, the small number of political allusions. Secondly, how often two or more competitors hit on the same idea and expressed it in almost the same words (though doubtless the limitations of the formula had something to do with that). For example :— Optimist, incurable optimist, -Liberal candidate.

(Miss E. M. Muctieu...) Optimists, crazy optimists, Liberal candidates. (N. HomsoN.) Bore, crashing bore, golfer.

(DoUGLAs HAWSON and H. A. C. EvANs.) Rich man, millionaire, dentist. (W. BERNARD WAKE.) Millionaire, Croesus, dentist. (H. A. C. EvANs.) Millionaires, multi-millionaires, dentists. (A. MACDONALD.) The perennially tender feelings of literary competitors found vent in :— Swankers, d—d swankers, winners of Spectator competitions.

(N. HOocSoN.) Fatuous effort, plagiarism, prizewinning entry.

(P. A. T. O'DoNNEu..) Tormentor, incarnate fiend, competition-setter.

(ERIC SWAINSON.) Of the purgative efforts, the fiercest were :- Dunce, ignoramus, State Scholar. (S. W. S.) Unshaven, dirty, highly artistic. (PAULINE pne anonymous competitor sent in no fewer than eighteen entries, mnost of which were too far from the model for consideration. I must, however, quote one entitled " Lawyer's Progress, " even though it is very probably a chestnut : Getting on, getting honour, getting honest.

Selecting prizewinners was not easy, since the two requisite qualities of wit and consistency were not much in evidence. On that standard the best were two old hands, Allan M. Laing and D. R. Peddy, and Dr. Alex Kaatz of Jerusalem, whom I believe to be a newcomer.

I recommend that the prize-money be divided equally between these three. Honourable mention for good single or double shots should be made of Mrs. D. S. Walker, Leslie Parris and F. F. Roberts. PRIZES.

(ALLAN M. LAID) 1. A columnist, a mud-slinger, Senator McCarthy.

2. Clever, damned clever, gaoled.

3. Innocents, dumb brutes, wireless studio audiences.

(Aux KAATZ)

1. Unresponsive, aggressive, peace-loving.

2. _ Separated, divorcee, flint star.

3. Subjection, subjugation, People's Democracy.

(D. R. PEDDY) 1. Naughty, obnoxious, maladjusted.

2. Men, mice, manpower units.

3. Pending, lost, " under active consideration."

COMMENDED (Mas. a S. WALKER) Wife trouble, incompatibility, stalemate.

(LESLIE Palms)

Overstatement, gross exaggeration, salesmanship.

(F. F. ROBERTS) Instructions, explicit instructions, back-seat driving. Writing, vile writing, doctors' prescriptions.