"Spectator " Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street,

London, W.C. 1. and be marked on the envelope Competition No. (—).

Competition No. I 5 (Set by " Duor.J.") TIIREE prizes of £1 10s. are offered for three Shakespearean quotations applicable to (a) a village flower show ; (b) a County cricket match ; (c) a London railway station before August Bank Holiday. No competitor may suggest more than one quotation for each subject. Full references must be given.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, July 27th, 1931. The result of this competition will be announced in our issue of August 8th.

Competition No. 16 (Set b _ _ by " SCADAVAY.") POSTERITY remembers an eminent landscape gardener of the eighteenth century by the nickname of " Capa- bility " Brown. A prize of £3 3s. is offered for the best suggestions for nicknames similarly coined from an abstract quality for any three of the following contem- porary figures ; Mr. Winston Churchill, Mr. A. P. Herbert, Mr. C. B. Cochran, Mr. Walter Lindrum, Miss Marlene Dietrich, Mr. Ramsay MacDonald, Mr. Noel Coward, Miss Gertrude Stein, Mr. Phil Scott, Mr. Hannen Swaffer.

Entries must be received not later than Monday. August 3rd, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of August 15th.

The result of Competition No. 14 will appear in our next issue.

Report of Competition No. 13

(REPORT AND AWARD BY " DUGLI.'")

A PRIZE of £3 3s. was offered for a new and original Limerick verse, one line of which had to end with the word " July." Competitors this week can be divided, roughly, into those who wrote about the weather and those who did not. In the second category both the Spectator itself and the setter of

the competition are made the subjects of verses (both are duly grateful), with prohibition, the world financial crisis and the misdeeds of Mr. McGovern. In the first category Saint Swithin, as might have been expected, is the subject of a number of verses. James T. Fox and the Rev. Francis Soamcs, writing, of course, before the event, give him the benefit of the doubt. C. L. Lawrence expected the worst : On cloudy fifteenth of July An up-to-date flapper of Rye Expressed her misgivin's Concerning St. Swithins In language one couldn't call " pi."

Augusta and Captain Cleland make successful play with the pronunciation of July :

Our forbears pronounced the word July You'll find that they rhymed it with newly ; But—I fail to see why We have changed to Jul;. Is it Jul§ or July ; say truly.

(See Sir John Suckling's " Ballad on a Wedding.")

There was a young Scot, born in July To an Englishman cried, " I think you lie,

When of birth in ` July ' You say, accent on ` Y,'

You were born in July, not in July."

J. R. CLELAND.

A great many old people and young people, of peculiar habits, came from Rye and almost as many from Skye ; one even came from Hawaii. Of those from Athy the most sensible was the one described by J. Ewing :

A Saxon who lives in Athy Declares: " On the twelfth of July I will not be seen

Sporting Orange or Green Lost I wear a black ring round my eye ! "

AUGUSTA.

Persons of many sorts and in many accents " asked why.. . ." A good many of their questions were about flies or flying. The Rev. W. T. Tovani worked in a neat warning against the habits of flies. Episcopalian said the same thing more brusquely :

A blood-thirsty Bishop said " Why Should I suffer this Blue-bottle Fly ! It will perish no doubt Ere the Summer is out But it's only the Fifth of July."

There was very little attempt to recapture the pure, incon- sequent idiocy of Edward Lear. " Gramna " is in the right tradition ; and even better is F. E. R. :

There was an old man, in whose eye There alighted a very fierce fly.

Said his friends " Do not worry, Or be in a hurry, It is sure to come out in July."

But surely she is wrong in describing " they "—the fussy, busybody, inquisitive, Greek Chorus of the Learine world— as " his friends " ? The other men of the tribe, perhaps ; public opinion ; even the neighbours. But friends. . . . ?

L. V. Upward and Guy limes are, as usual, in the first class, which this week is a large one. Seacape's good effort is spoilt by a sticky fourth line (why not " on a night late in June " ?). Dims' is a good example of the rather too well- worn spelling joke. The following all deserve Honourable Mention. I wish there were space to print all their stanzas :- The Rev. C. C. A. ; G. A. Hicks ; " Torpid " ; J. R. Wilson ; Lt.-Colonel Goddard ; Phineas ; Mrs. Lockett Ford ; Thomas Thornely ; Stephen G. Cooke ; and D. S. Murgatroyd.

The prize is divided. Two guineas go to the Hon. Harry B. Hermon Hodge, Carlton Club, Pall Mall. It is a real triumph to have reduced relativity to a Limerick, but his last line is weakened by the French parenthesis, and one of the guineas is withheld for Miss M. G. Robinson, Wood- side, Eastnor, Ledbury. Miss Robinson also falls away in her last line, but the first four might almost have come from the " Book of Nonsense " and " they " speak to us here in the true Learine spirit.

THE WINNING LIMERICKS ; 1st Prize.

EINSTEIN.

If it's true that the stars' of the sky Are post-dated on reaching the eye, Then the things we forecast Are events of the past :

And—par consequent—June was July.

HARRY B. HERMON HODGE.

2nd Prize. There was once an old horse with a way

Of dropping down dead in the hay ; They said, " Horse, can you die Somewhere else this July ? "

Lying still, he replied, " Ne-Ne-Neigh."

Miss M. G. ROBINSON.

Some Highly Commended Entries.

A limerick writer of Beaulieu Got his rhyming and prosody truly, But he went all awry When he mentioned July, Through misguidedly spelling it Jeaulieu.

Dims.

Said a Hollywood star, " as a rule I Arrange to be married in July.

I cannot remember Much luck in November, And once I tried May, the more fool I."

G. A. Mots.

A bounder once' owned with a sigh " Society passes me by, In spite of backaheesh.

Though I'm nouveau, I'm riche,

But .1 once shot a grouse in July I"

PRINEAL