YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. Immediately outside my office is a small public park with benches upon which a col- lection of scruffy motorcycle messengers have recently started to appear while they wait for their next job to come over on their blaring radios. Can you suggest any method of encouraging them to move to a different part of the City? I have rejected danegeld as a solution.
J.B.,EC2 A. Ask a co-operative secretary to pop down to the park and tip off the mesengers that the DSS has set up an investigative unit in your building, and that notes are being taken of their number plates and comings and goings. As an opinion-forming percentage of the messengers will he claim- ing dole money at the same time as execut- ing their duties in the saddle, it should be only a matter of 24 hours or so before the last motorcyclist has got the message, and the annoyance you mention is at an end.
Q. I am an art dealer who has recently left a West End gallery in order to deal private-
Dear Mary.. .
ly. My problem is that in my social life I am constantly being asked by bad artists and the friends of bad artists if I would like to see their work, sell it, etc. How can I reject them without incurring their resentment?
Name withheld, SW1 A. If, as you say, you deal privately, it is unlikely that any of these people you meet socially can be quite sure of exactly what sort of art you deal in. A decisive way for you to avoid embarrassment, following such a proposal, is to allow your face to light up briefly before you shake your head sadly and say, `Hmmph. I don't deal in any living artists, more's the pity.' Q. What is the best way of dealing with the problem of lavatory blockage? My wife and I have four daughters, each of whom brings teenage girlfriends home for weekends. The receptacles which we have provided in each lavatory are ignored, and we do not wish to display ostentatious notices refer- ring to sanitary appliances. Over the years, the increasing cost of drain clearance has soared to an intolerable level of £300 per annum and a remedy is sought.
Name withheld, Glos.
A. Why not take your cue from one of our leading stately-home owners, each of whose lavatories is equipped with a box of tissues positioned at the eye-level of the person using the lavatory? A stick-on label on each tissue box announces, 'Please do not throw tissues down loo but into bin provided or blockage will occur.' The owner in question finds that her guests are clearly surprised enough at the idea that tissues might block a loo to go on to consid- er the further implications. She has had no more problems since the strategically placed boxes were introduced.
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