Testaments, Old and New
)1Pcittors were asked to compose the last will and testament of one of the following:
the Pooh, Tartu fie, Mrs. Malaprop, Falstaff, Helen of Troy. Whittle
1,1,IN is the last will and testament of me, Papoose. hereby make the following bequests:
To Areas for brilliant Homeric hexameters three guineas. To James S. Fidgen for the spirit and language of Tartuffe one guinea.
° J. Aiken for capturing the mood of Falstaff dying, when 'a babbled of green fields,' one guinea.
To Gloria Prince for a Pooh-ish 'WO' one guinea.
TO J. A. Lindon who came near with his Pseudo-learning to being a pecuniary legatee high commendations.
10 the following also commendations : Patrick Whitmore for a sustained piece of seventeenth-century legal French.
Vera Telfair for not overdoing the Mala- propisms.
Cinna, P. W. Foot and Jebronius for their Falstaffian efforts : ('And I further charge my executors to sec that a bottle of sack is interred with me. Methinks I shall ac- quire a thirst where I am going.'-P. W. Foot). And to the many devotees of Winnie the Pooh, especially I. M. Connor, Mrs. W. Wyn Boileau, Alberick and Joyce Johnson. ('1 forgot Eeyore. He can have my MR. SANDERS notice to hang on his house. He grumbles that nobody ever Takes Any Notice-so he can take mine.' -Joyce Johnson.) Witness my hand this 23rd day of August, 1957. (Signed) PAPOOSE.
PR
IZES
(ARCAS) HELEN OF TROY
lo„.Crh,iS is the original Will of Helen of Troy, fot- o weo by a rough paraphrase. Any solecisms in idiom syntax arc doubtless due to Helen's long sojourn TroY, where her Greek may have become rusty!) 7,.."'v cte,r tr.,9,4,;v 4'e tres• tr/Oov :iotb*o7s ‘t; 4-4K145, v A eitto 49e;t) k 76,01 v. Wrir;), Q "v "ios
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je, ' • 0 (st., rrQ A-4,1.-Ir i>64,'■, re 'Tog wtroe 0." dr"' 40'4; biiv-apy r, psAk 81; yowl/v. rivds gica-itiVevcr, , AUokal trebstarA „ 1 yrveavAimovs 'VT' t-.1 (14, trivre V lil • g 2 "S) "C literally 'public house.' There is an inn named after Helen at which tourists visiting MYcenite obtain refreshments.
1 • give and bequeath-
0 „,h4V story to the poets, playwrights and romancers
w all ages, beginning with the divine Homer. to be a perpetual source of revenue to them and of delight 10, their hearers:
t; w MY °mingle (as an excuse or warning) to all ()men qualified by nature to profit by it;
My part to every star of stage or screen (as the stars in heaven for multitude) who considers herself endowed with the gifts requisite for it; My love of Paris to the wives of the Western World, as a cause of anxiety and expense to their husbands; My name to the modest hostelry near Myeenx that shall he known to many a learned traveller, And my features (if only I could!) to the wives of eminent persons who shall hereinafter he em- ployed in the launching of ships.
(JAMES S. P7DGEN) DERNIER TESTAMENT DE TAR FUFFE
Je soussigne affirme que d'argent je n'en ai poinct. Si j'en avois eu,' je l'aurois donne pieusement aux pauvres comme vouloit faire Villon. Ndanmoins je legue dorenavant mes benedictions a tout le genre humain (sauf a cot hypocrite Jean- Baptiste Poquelin). Quant aux femmes-n'en parlons plus! Au Bon Dieu „le donne mes remerciments de m'avoir faict si sinkere et je laisse a perpetuite l'histoire de ma vie a tous les etudiants de l'avenir du Bout' Mich' et d'ailleurs.
TARTUFFE
Paris, ter REQUIESCAM IN PACE.
(J. AITKEN) LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF JOHN FALSTAFF, KNIGHT AND SOLDIER
To the earth of England I bequeath my body whose weight it hath long supported, and which it hath nourished bountifully.
I bequeath my debts to my Sovereign, King Henry V. believing that he will discharge them in memory of the adventurous days and nights we spent together when he was a stripling Prince, and I his faithful henchman. He knows most of my creditors from these former times; but there is one Robert Shallow, Esquire, Justice of the Peace of Gloucestershire, to whom I incurred a debt of £1,000, offering as security my faith in the generosity of my Lord the King.
My sword I bequeath to Bardolph, and to my Page I leave my ring, believing that some day his finger may grow thick enough to fill it.
My good name, alas, can have no inheritance, and must remain at the mercy of detraction.
(GLORIA PRINCE) W INN I E-THE-POOH
'Oh, help, there's Marmalade!' said Pooh to him- self. 'And Condensed Milk. Bother! You don't want Wobbly Spelling in a Wil. Which is in case"Anything Happens to me,' he went on proudly. 'You never can tell with Expotitions.' He began humming a Suitable Hunt :
Making your Wil
Is the Thing to Do;
So this is the Wil
(What, oak. the Wil?)
Well, Testament too, Of Pooh.
'And then there's Honey,' he said, growing rather excited and looking at the clock. 'It would never do to Leave Too Much,' he mumbled happily, half- inside the cupboard, 'or he might he sick. Only who might?' he wondered, holding his head that possessed Very Little Brain. 'Why, Pooh Bear, of course! The Very Person!'
ALL MY PROPPLETY TO POOH BEAR.
(SINGD)
POOH BEAR, WINNIE-THE-POOH, F.C.R. (FREIND OF CRISTOFR ROBN), M.H.W. (MAKR OF HUMS AND WICS), ET SETR-IN FACT, POOH HIMSEFL.
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