YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. A friend of mine is a handsome and intelligent gynaecologist. When he is ap- proached at parties for free advice, he explains that his particular expertise is uro- dynamics and female incontinence. This invariably has the effect of altering the con- versational drift.
C. T., London W4 A. Thank you for your tip, which will be useful to other gynaecologists and comes in the wake of my own advice to GPs when cornered at parties (9 April).
Q. How can one contrive to ensure that when inviting a couple to dinner one of them (the one you don't want) doesn't say, `Oh, well, X can't come because he's away, but I can.' This has happened to me in the Past. The couple concerned are fine togeth- er but the wife is a bore on her own and I Only want the man.
C.D., near Wigton A. You should extend the invitation tele- phonically and in the following manner. Say, `There's someone I'd really like you to meet, so are you both around on the such and such?' If the wife replies, `No, he's away, but I can come,' you can legitimately respond, 'Oh, well, I think I'll set it up for some other time, then, because I really want him to meet X.'
Q. My younger brother (who lives in my basement) is a 32-year-old heterosexual bachelor with a large income. He is conse- quently in great demand socially, and is invited to dinner parties almost every night of the week. Clearly this level of popularity is inextricably linked to his 'spare' status, and many of his hostesses hope that he will at least flirt with some of the spare girls they have rounded up for the evening. Now, however, my brother has got a steady girlfriend. How can he determine whether or not she might be welcome at some of these parties when the invitations are extended?
CC., Ladbroke Road, WII A. The best method would be for your brother to say (for example), 'Hang on a minute, the 14th, I know I have to pick up my new girlfriend from the airport on that day. I'm just not sure what time she comes in at. Can I ring you back?' This will give the hostess the opportunity to say immedi- ately, 'Oh, well, do bring her along if you would like to.' If instead there is a stunned silence, he will know that the girlfriend would be femina non grata, and can invent plane arrival times accordingly.
Q. I long to make a fortune in the Bien- venida Buck manner but I am not particu- larly attractive and so far my attempts to inveigle married men in public positions have failed. Can you suggest any other method by which I might proceed?
Name and address withheld A. Why not pretend you have been raped by a gorilla while on holiday in Africa, and sell your story through the auspices of Max Clifford?
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