Television
Not all the best tunes
Wendy Cope
Some people may have blamed the Devil for the technical problems that caused the live broadcast of Songs of Praise (BBC 1, 6 p.m., Sunday) from Leeds Castle in Kent to go off the air after five minutes. It was a disappointment .for me because I was looking out for the joyful faces of two of my Home Counties rela- tions, who had gone along to join in this special March for Jesus edition.
Martin Lewis introduced the event. No trace of cynicism was detectable on his face or in his voice as he told us that 200,000 people had taken part in Saturday's march, 'in what they call the new Battle for Britain'. When transmission ceased, half- way through the first ghastly song, the BBC substituted a repeat of the Spring Harvest edition. Spring Harvest, for those of you who do not know about such things, is an annual evangelical jamboree at But- lin's. This programme was presented by Sally Magnusson, wearing a special kind of radiant smile that suggested she is either an evangelical herself, or else a very good actress.
They kicked off with a proper hymn, 'Ride on, ride on in majesty'. But after only a verse or two it gave way to something dreadful, led by a bearded folk-singer and accompanied by guitars, a drum-kit and the inevitable tambourines. 'Jesus put this song into our hearts', they sang. I expect He'll forgive them.
It would be fun if some born-again Christians were to turn up in The Simpsons (Sky One, 6 p.m., Sunday). The program- me has a mildly subversive attitude to- 'Sorry I'm late — I've been ill.'
wards various aspects of American fife but it may be that religion is too risky. Thanks to the nice people in the Sky press office, who picked up my hint of a fortnight ago, I've now seen four episodes. In one of them Bart Simpson gets on the wrong side of the school bully and is continually beaten up. His mother wants him to tell the principal but his father urges him not to violate the code of the schoolyard, 'the rules that teach a boy to be a man'. This is Homer Simpson's summary of the code: 1. Don't tattle.
2. Always make fun of anyone different from you.
3. Never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.
With his grandfather's help, Bart orga- nises a schoolboy army to defeat the bully. His troops train hard and chant as they march, like regular American soldiers: 'We are happy, we are merry, / We got a rhyming dicshunerry'. They fight the bully and they win. At the end of the programme Bart has a quiet word with viewers: 'Ladies and gentlemen. Contrary to what .you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American Revolution, World War II, the Star Wars Trilogy. Peace.' I liked it. What a pity neither the BBC nor ITV had the wit to snap up The Simpsons before Rupert Murdoch carried them off to his satellite.
Someone gave a good review of The Piglet Files (ITV, 8 p.m., Friday), a situa- tion 'comedy' about spying, so I took a look. An unfortunate young man has been recruited by MI5 as an electronics expert. He isn't allowed to tell his wife anything about his work and nobody helps him to contrive a cover story. Naturally, this causes domestic problems. They are not remotely funny. It's a sad waste of Nicho- las Lyndhurst.
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