High life
Lords, ladies and phonies
Taki
TGstaad here might be fear and loathing in the White House, but here, in this sunny and beautiful alpine village, things are just as bad. The trouble is not the lack of snow, nor is it the fact that the Eagle club has shut its seasonal portals once again — the trouble is the Almanach de Gotha!
The definitive guide to international pedigrees has reappeared after an absence of 54 years, and the bogus ones are sweat- ing it out. `Fifty years of faking it and all for nought,' was the way an old-timer put it. The Who's Who of nobility was once upon a time the bible of those whose blood was truly blue. Then, in 1944, came the break. The Commies did away with the Gotha, literally as well as metaphorically the Almanach was published in the Duchy of Gotha, ergo its name — but its loss was a gain for those who'd rather cheat than admit plebeian origins. Now the chickens have come home to roost, as they say in Schoenburg-Harten- stein. But I, for one, am delighted. For far too long bogus Italians and Frogs have been throwing their phoney titles around, getting preferential treatment in restaurants, night- clubs, even whorehouses. No longer.
Like all bad tidings, the news spread quickly. I was up at the Eagle when I heard. A very nice man lunching next to me looked positively green. (He claims to be a marquis.) He improved a bit when Pino, the headwaiter, addressed me as Prince Taki. I imagine he thought that I was one of his kind. I have been addressed as Prince Taki since 1959, in fact there is a salad named after me, because of Fulke Warwick. M president of the club, War- wick was so appalled at the phoney handles some of the members were using, he instructed the staff to address me as Prince. When the King of Greece and I were once lunching together at the club he remarked upon my title calling me 'cousin'.
Mind you, we Greeks are safe. The Greek constitution forbids royal titles except for members of the royal family. Just as well. Can you imagine what would have happened if Niarchos and Onassis began to play one-upmanship with han- dles? The only Greek titles were those of the Ionian islands which were under Venice for 300 years, but we are no longer permitted to use them. The Ionian islands have their own Almanach de Gotha, but for some strange reason I somehow doubt it will be included in the new version. '
Who are those most likely to be embar- rassed? Easy. First the Italians, then the French, followed by the Germans. Thirty- one years ago, on a cruise with Gianni Agnelli and David Beaufort, we arrived in Taormina, Sicily, to be met by one baron after another. In fact, every single man we met was a baron, except for one transsexu- al. I asked Avvocato Agnelli, how come? Easy. Norman King William I, son (appro- priately) of Roger II, was about to lead his troops into battle when he had terrible urge to do number two. He ordered hun- dreds of his men to make a circle while his armour was taken off. The last thing he wanted was his troops to feel that the King was nervous. Having done a big job, he waved his hand towards the crowd and pro- nounced them all barons. This is history according to Gianni who rarely gets any- thing wrong.
The French have been getting away with social murder because they burned the books back in 1848. Even with the books, it was easy in the land of cheese. The Duc de Saint Simon was ennobled by Louis XIV when the diarist taught the monarch how to change horses without dismounting. (One horse faces towards the other's bum.) Many whose names began with the letters De, as in, say, Desurmont, or Defarge, dropped the capital D, kept the e, and presto, the honorific de was there forever. Until now, that is.
The Germans and Austrians have not had it easy because the you-know-what did not hit the fan until 1918. People have long memories, however, and bogus vons appeared mostly in America. Needless to say, those from countries which have remained monarchies have played it straight. The Dutch, the Belgians, the Spanish and the Scandinavians have had as much chance to cheat as a truthful man has to survive in the White House. What will be interesting is to see how some of the bogus nobles will play it from now on. I have not yet seen the Almanach, but I believe my two children are in it. Just as well. The drachma has just been devalued, and some nouveau exposed phoney might like to marry the real deal for a change.
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