NOISE AND NONSENSE.
TO the cause of temperance we earnestly and most sincerely wish all possible success ; for which reason we also wish that the more prominent promoters of that cause were pos- sessed of a finer sense of humour, or, failing that, could be persuaded to make a little less noise. It is an unfortunate thing that, however righteous a cry may be, the voices that make themselves most loudly beard in it belong, as a rule, to the people who are least worth hearing. Every good cause suffers, more or less, from the advocacy of noisy fanaticism ; and the cause of temperance suffers, perhaps, more than any other. It has, above all others, an obviousness which fatally attracts to it all the slow-witted zealots who cannot see both sides of a question. There is no possible doubt about the miseries inflicted by intemperance, or of the enormous benefit which would accrue to the world if it only became universally sober; and to these good people, who possess sufficient intelli- gence to grasp that simple fact, the remedy is as obvious as the benefit which would be conferred. They are extremely impatient of slow and safe remedies, and would gladly wreck the whole world in order to rid it of one symp- tom of disease. They are equally impatient of conver- sion by argument, and have far more faith in the rude method of shouting down their opponents. In the old days, we suppose, they would have girded on their swords and convinced the world by the simple process of hewing down every one who was not with them. In these degenerate times, that easy way of converting the unbeliever is no longer possible, wherefore they are constrained to content themselves with exerting the terrorism of noise,—a process which seems more calculated to frighten away friends than to strike dismay into their foes. What, however, does certainly frighten away their friends is the ridicule which they have brought upon their cause. In their eyes, it matters nothing what a man is as long as he is a fanatic for total abstinence. Enthusiasm is the chief thing, and to it they willingly sacrifice all dignity 'or common-sense. That is the easier done in that no man who is possessed of any sense of humour can ever be a thorough-going enthusiast, and a man who is totally lacking in that sense hardly knows whether he is absurd or not. Sir Wilfrid Lawson affords a perpetual illustration of this unlucky want of humour by his persistence in wearing the cap and bells. Nature never intended him for a jester, and to no man was ever the suit of motley less becoming. Nevertheless, both he and his Simple followers appear to derive the keenest pleasure from his clumsy quips and cranks. Rarely, however, has the ludicrous side of fanaticism been more evident than at the meeting which was held early in this week to welcome an American teetotaler, Miss Willard. The meeting was held at the Assembly Hall, Mile End, and was graced by the presence of most of the shining lights of Temperance. It might have been expected, in view of the occasion and of the natural wish of the assembled reformers to present their cause to the world in the most favourable light possible, that we should have been treated to some new and striking arguments on behalf of the legislation which they advocate, or, at least, that we should have heard -some really eloquent speeches extolling the virtues of sobriety and denouncing the temptations of drink. But we must can- didly confess that rarely, if ever, have we read such an in- coherent farrago of nonsense as the report given of those speeches in the papers of the following morning. The ladies present—most of the speakers were ladies—sang each other's praises in a strain of somewhat fulsome eulogy, fired off little tests, and told pointless stories, without, we should think, taking time for either breath or reflection, and the result is infinitely more comic than edifying.
The meeting was held in honour of Miss Willard, magnilo- quently described as the "American Apostle of Temperance, President and Founder of the World's Women's Christian Temperance Union," and known in America, as we were in- formed by one of the speakers, under the name of "the un- crowned Queen." After a few preliminary speeches, which, as a Cambridge Wrangler once described "Paradise Lost," were filled with a good deal of assertion and veil, little proof, the real butiness of the evening commenced, and the " un- -crowned Queen "rose to return her thanks. Sovereigns—even when American and uncrowned—joke with difficulty, and Miss Willard is no exception to the rule. During the evening, she said, she had surveyed the enthusiastic crowd that had wel- comed her, and the thought had occurred to her mind that "this is the splendid everybody, which knows so much more than anybody. (Cheers)." We wonder whether any person who cheered that remarkable sentiment could translate its meaning, for we frankly confess our own inability to ascribe to it any sense which is not a distinctly unflattering one for the audience. However, the audience showed itself pleased, and Miss Willard continued. Of Lady Henry Somerset, her com- panion on the platform, she spoke in the warmest terms of praise; indeed, Lady Henry Somerset's recent visit to America had caused her (Miss Willard) "to drop into poetryl- ' Lady Henry Somerset,
Since we welcomed Lafayette, Never bot our shore has pressed Of a more belovbd guest.'
And all the people had said that that was so. (Cheers.)" All the American people, we presume. Mr. Wegg, even in his least desponding moods, never "dropped into poetry" with a more rare and curious grace. By the aide of this humorous verse, her humorous ta'es in prose sounded somewhat flat. She and her audience, however, both seemed to derive great enjoyment from variant derivations which she gave to the mystic letters " which stood for the " Women's Christian Temper- ance Union." A friend bad suggested that they might stand for "We come to unite : " she herself preferred, with reference to the dramshop-keepers, that they should mean" We come to upset." Considering the disconcerting nature of some non- alcoholic drinks, the reading is rather an ominous one. "A couple of saloon-keepers were talking it over, and one of them said : I tell you, I've found out what those four miserable letters mean—" We'll see to you "—and ain't they done it?'" A very sorry little scrap of wit ; and even that is put in the mouth of a publican and sinner. If the reports of "cheers" and "renewed laughter" be reliable, then, indeed, must an audience of teetotalers be the most easily pleased in the world. Can it really be a fact, we wonder, that total abstinence, even the banishment of cakes and ale, will actually add to the gaiety of the world P If it is so, it is a strong point in the Teetotalers' favour. We fear, however, we are yet too unregenerate to wish to be amused by jokes like these : we should feel sorry and shamed that they should move us to laughter, a proof that we are still far removed from that age of innocence to -which Miss Willard hopes that we may return. After the guest of the evening had concluded her remarks, Lady Henry Somerset took up the wondrous tale, and gave back unstinted praise for praise received. She described their guest as heading "hosts of white-ribboned women who stood behind her in the United States, and in Africa, and in India, and all the world over, girdling the round globe with their white ribbon of blessing, and raising the standard of a pure life and a redeemed humanity. The women of England desired to come into line with them. This land, which boasted that the sun never set on her dominions, had double reasons for holding out the hands of love and tenderness and truth and justice." It sounds very pretty, but what does it all mean ? Who are these white-ribboned followers who engirdle the earth ? What are the double reasons of England ? When and to whom did she hold out the hands of love and tenderness and truth and justice ? And what has it all to do with the Temperance
movement ? Our plodding common-sense follows this rhe- torical flight with difficulty. "This great and magnificent
meeting was a token that nations were drawing into closer relations." 'Very ; there are a good many nations represented in the neighbourhood of Mile-End Road, though there are more represented still, perhaps, in the more immediate neighbourhood of the Docks. "She trusted that the people would never be content until they were allowed to exercise the privilege which belonged to the free, and were able to say whether the cursed drink traffic should remain in their midst or not." Wherefore it would seem that the privilege of freedom is the power to coerce your neigh- bours. Is that really the Teetotalers' conception of freedom ? It is not surprising that a late Archbishop, whose eloquence was only equalled by his political sagacity, once scandalised the leaders of the Temperance movement by the honest con- fession that he "would rather see England free, than England sober" and coerced into reluctant sobriety. Lady Henry Somerset, however, could not sit down without contributing her share to the hilarity of the evening in the form of a little story. "They heard about the Gothenburg system and the Swedish system, and this man's plan and that man's plan. It reminded her of a traveller in the Western States who entered a shanty which called itself a hotel, and, finding a long and elaborate bill of fare on the table, said, Waiter, bring me quail on toast!' Whereupon the landlord, pulling out his revolver, replied : You'll eat hash 1'" An excellent story, but we fail to see the particular application, even though we recog- nise the attitude of the Temperance reformer in that of the landlord ;rho draws a revolver to make his hash palatable.
Why is it that the leaders of the Temperance movement fancy they serve their cause by a cumbrous affectation of sprightliness and uncouth jocularity P The misery of drunkenness is no joking matter, and there is nothing very mirth-inspiring in a crusade against it. It would be uncharitable to suppose that their high spirits are occasioned by their consciousness of their superiority, as water-drinkers, over their non-abstaining neighbours. They do not render their particular virtue attractive to sober-minded people, and to the unredeemed they only offer a cause for scoffing. And what benefit do Miss Willard and Lady Henry Somerset imagine will accrue to their cause by their mutual adulation of each other on a public platform P They may be the nearest and dearest of friends, but the evidence of their admiring friendship will not make the world more disposed to Temperance. Both of them seem to be possessed of a fatal fluency of speech, which hurries them into the utterance of absurdities, and effectually destroys any chance they may have of getting the attentive ear of rational and thoughtful people. Stump orations, void of argument and destitute of any reasoning power, may tickle the ears of groundlings and make them laugh ; but they carry no conviction with them, and are worse than useless to the cause which they advocate. Miss Willard, we believe, is a very devoted reformer, and very much in earnest, — one, too, who has done some excellently good work in her own country. We wish sincerely that her English friends had not presented her to us in such a ridiculous light.
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