YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My son ran away from Marlborough with two other boys. They left on cycles at 3.00 a.m. and were not discovered missing for 15 hours. One gave himself up, the other two stayed out for two nights. The second boy's parents were put in touch with us and they came down from Northants. We offered search parties, supper and bed. (The boys turned up the next day on a train to London without money for the tickets.) That was some months ago, and so far there has not been even a thank-you letter nor a thank you in passing at school sports- day. Do I confront them and say that my wife was surprised by the lack of a letter? I feel I must say something as their boy is coming to stay with us in Greece these holi- days. D.J., Devizes A. You could punish this boy's parents by playing a trick on them. Ask a third party — another -mother at the school for exam- ple — to collude with you. She should write to the negligent mother explaining that, in the wake of the incredible success of the charity book Superhints to which 'top' peo- ple contributed their tips on gardening, cleaning, etc., she is compiling something similar. Her own book will be a collection
Dear Mary. . .
of thank-you letters from people who owe debts of more than ordinary gratitude to others who have extended outstanding lev- els of kindness to them during unusually difficult circumstances. She, therefore, wonders if by any chance she has kept a copy of the letter she must have written to thank the D.J.s following the incident involving their sons, as this would be most suitable for inclusion.
Q. I recently had some friends from New- market to stay for Salisbury races. Unfortu- nately, one of them, a strawberry blond trainer's assistant, seemed unable to con- trol his language. He shouted obscenities and four-letter words regardless of who was within earshot and I fear our very nice
cook, not to mention our stud groom, was extremely shocked. I am very fond of this particular friend and love having him to stay, so can you suggest a way to curb his
ribald tongue? S.M., Tisbuty A. No. There is clearly no way in which you can curb the tongue of a man whose first language is Obscenities, the language spo- ken by many members of the racing com- munity without ill intention. The only solu- tion is to announce his next visit to mem- bers of your staff in the following way. 'I'm having our disabled friend to stay again next week. I hope that won't upset you too much."Disabled, Lady S? I'm sorry, which one was that?' they will reply. 'Oh, perhaps you didn't realise. The young trainer's assis- tant who suffers from Tourette's syn- drome.' You can then give a short lecture on Tourette's syndrome, which is a legiti- mate medical condition whose sufferers genuinely cannot control their output of obscenities. End by saying, 'I hope you can put up with it because he's a nice chap real- ly.' You can then relax throughout his sub- sequent visits, secure in the knowledge that his language will neither disturb your staff nor undermine your authority with them.
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