Television

Doomed

Alexander Chancellor

This has been another difficult week f.nr 1 your fledgling television critic. Fiacug myself unable to watch the right televIst_An programmes at the right times, I wandel7 111 round to Granada Television Rentals, King Street, Hammersmith, the other odd to hire a video recorder. I thought I 011_1 set this device to record the sort of Pr'-'t grammes which I do not instinctively want to .watch on the spur of the moment bni which are clearly the sort of prograullnes..,, ought to be reviewing. Granada were e.`'e efficient and sent round the video 5011_ next day with a man to explain how it 'Pie; to s ed. He was a nice man, but he apPente" be in a hurry and he had such a strong Scots accent that I found him rather difficult f follow. Nevertheless, I got a rough idea what to do and experimented success.ft! by recording five minutes of Cain kilf,linid Abel in an epic Sixties film of the 'life Testament called The Bible • • • _.,111,1 be Beginning. Confident that all ww" o well, I then set the machine to record tw very important and meaningful Pgigfraffi,,,cl m es on BBC2 and Channel 4, onlYROthbtg in due course that it had recorded i t.. at all. This was not only a bitter disaPPcn,n„t ment, as I had been certain of success, 711"e also a serious disadvantage frntri,ust point of view of this column which of once again be written on the basis general manner too similar to those of a schoolmaster on holiday, but he knows his

stuff and the film which he brings home

borough, it is hard to believe that any of dependent are God's creatures on all the

right ecological conditions. Attenborough ended the series in apocalyptic mood, hair stood amid the ancient stones of Avebury

unless we all pulled ourselves' together. He Murdering Abel that I went on watching the

ding animals two by two into the ark. But by now it was time to switch over to the last

episode of The Living Planet (BBC1), David Attenborough's spectacular series

about life on earth. If one occasionally finds David Attenborough irritating, one Only has to remind oneself of his brother

tractive. His enthusiasm may be a little too relentless to be believable, his clothes and from his travels is always of remarkable in- terest and quality.

Noah's animals would have made it, so blowing wildly about in the wind as he

warning us that our planet was doomed this the same man as the one I saw not long ago standing on the platform at Ham- mersmith Underground station, looking all Mediocre and forlorn? and, it must now be admitted, unsuccessful biblical epic for a while longer, in particular

the bit of John Huston as Noah shepher- Richard to find him suddenly immensely at- with a dreary voice who looks like a shop assistant in an off-the-peg tailoring establishment'. Since then Humphrys has got even greyer, but no more appealing. He

r.enlinds me less of a shop assistant than of the sort of bank manager who sets all sorts on loan.

inY predecessor Richard Ingrams's long campaign for the removal of Mr John

mnn the BBC's Nine O'Clock News. Nearly rather limited viewing. Humphrys from his job as chief newsreader f dreary conditions before giving one a oked like an Old Testament prophet. Was g Humphrys as 'a grey, dull-looking man

ur ago Ingrams was already describ-

Anyway after listening to David Atten-

I had so enjoyed the spectacle of Cain Talking of mediocrity, I am reminded of I Perhaps one would object to Humphrys

tele bss if the programme he presents were a lit-

retter. Twenty-five minutes is not a long

hPlc into which to fit a summary of the at's important events, yet a lot of _Inu..at time is wasted. Television producers S al' believe that the public will be bored by

anything that cannot be illustrated by film,

they give the shortest possible shrift to any Y news that does not lend itself to such

treatment. Day after day, for example, we

are offered what seem to be almost identical A.tures of police protecting coal mines Pickets, irrespective of whether glinhing new or interesting has happened. E, dm

t is should only be shown on the news if

l_re essential to an understanding or ap-

ciatton of the story. The rest of the time available should be occupied by a more live-

imanr„dS1-igaging newsreader than Mr Hum- the 'giing a quick and clear run-down of uaY's events. It would be cheaper too.