Q. I would welcome your advice on a problem which
arose over an invitation to dinner. Wishing to advance our acquaintanceship with a couple we had met at a cocktail party, I rang them up and, in order to avoid (so I thought) any impression that I was the putative host, used the following formula: ‘Shall we all meet for dinner at the Plume of Feathers (a local gastro-pub) on —–?’ They enthusiastically agreed to this and we had a pleasant evening. However, when the moment came to pay the not inconsiderable bill the husband’s comment was, ‘That was very nice, thank you’ and he made no move to draw his wallet. A friend has told me that when issuing the invitation I should have said ‘We’ll go Dutch’ or words to that effect, but I feel that is crude and prefer to rely on nuance. How should such an invitation be couched to eliminate ambiguity?
E.D.G., Lostwithiel, Cornwall A. Your friend is right. The capacity to put spin on an invitation from a resolute and exploitative guest is unlimited, so a certain degree of straight talking is required. For example, you could say, ‘Now the Plume of Feathers does a very good dinner. We go there often with the So-and-sos — we always go Dutch, it costs about £20 a head — and we wondered if you’d like to join us there on the 5th? We’ll pay for ourselves, of course. We wouldn’t dream of letting you pay for us. And you pay for yourselves.’
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