SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 159

Report by Marghanita Laski

According to the New Yorker, Sir Arnold Lunn collects " phrops," which are phrases which say the exact opposite of what they mean-- i.e. It's not the money I am interested in but the principle." The usual prizes were offered for the best lists of five phrops.

This was far and away the best set of entries I've ever had. We may be a hypocritical nation, but at least we know what we're doing, though it's chastening to realise how often these " phrops " are in our mouths. My space can in no wise be better taken up than by a display of talent, save for what I need to explain that, as many people inevitably sent identical entries (" This hurts me ..." &c. was very common), my choice of the one to print had sometimes to be random. Isolated gems come first ; then the winning entries—a first prize of two pounds to D. F. Bushell for some really convincing horrors, and three second prizes of one pound each to Frances Collingwood, H. Morcom Taylor and LeonanFtivey.

The prize doesn't matter-1 only go in For the fun of competing ; I'D RATHER NOT WIN. •

(R. KENNARD DAVIS) I just dropped in as I was passing. (RICHARD SMART)

May Heaven forgive you ! (J. C. S.)

To me a drink of fresh water from a mountain stream tastes better than the best champagne. (N. HODGSON) As members will have read the Report .... (FRANK BARRACLOUGH) Boss or no boss, I treat him no different from anyone else.

(BRIAN LONGMORE)

Your little boy is so much more advanced than mine.

(NANCY GUNTER)

blame myself entirely. (J. O'DWYER)

I'm sorry I haven't any money on me. (E. P. STANHAM)

It takes more than that to make me angry, my-good friend.

(LESLIE GARDNER) don't know what you mean. (RosEmmtv HARRIS)

It suffices to say that his vices were unprintable. (MICHAEL CLANCHY) It's not the danger I mind. (D. R. CAPES)

Your comfort is our first concern. (R. E. DAvits) I should hate to have as much money as she has-1 shouldn't know

what to do with it. (C. M. WALKERDINE) 1 don't want to persuade you against your better judgement.

(Can't read the name. Old Common, Cross-in-Hand, Sussex)

I won't be a moment. (NAN WISHART) But I enjoy washing up. (Mits. V. R. ORMEROD) I allus treats lodgers as if they were me own. (J. R. ABRAMS) I'm not the least anti-semitic, but .... (J. S. LONGRIGG) No I (Fem. Gen.). (H. C. MAINGAY)

Lost, a golden diamond-studded bracelet, high sentimental value.

(A. KAATZ) Do stop me if I'm boring you. (RoGER TILL) . Now tell me honestly .... (Mits. E. 0. HESELTINE) It is not the sort of thing I want to talk about, but ....

• (J. M. TURNER) I don't usually read that sort of thing. (W. BERNARD WAKE)

I don't want to damp your enthusiasm, but .... (ERIC SWAINSON)

The United Nations. (GBANvit LE GARLEY) I'm not losing my temper. (GERVASE HUGHES) That's a fine thing to say to your mother ! (M. W. PALMER)

I don't pretend to know anything about Art, but ....

(R. W. BISHOP) It would be all the same if it were the King himself.

(ELIZABETH MEDD) For me? How naughty of you ! You really shouldn't !

(JAMES BOWKER)

Go on—we've got plenty. (SAWDUST ASGOLD) Don't mind me. (JOYCE SPURRELL) -I am the last person to stand in the way of my children.

(A. W. PRAGNELL)

No one could call me a Puritan, but .... (J. AITKEN)

Of course if you say so .... (ALLAN M. LAING) Sacrificial Sale ! (DUARTAN STOCKAR) 1 can't imagine what Father will say when he sees his silk hat on

the snowman. (P. M.)

There is no depression in this house. (R. J. P. HEwISON) Of course, 1 may be wrong. (R. P. S. WALKER) I'm very glad you asked me that question. (R. A. K. WRIGHT)

I'm in politics, not for what I can get out of them, but for what I

can put into them. (W. SANDERSON)

Give a man a decent living wage and he's satisfied.

(SAMUEL G. TAYLOR) Very well, dear, you know best. (R. K. SPURRELL) I knew as much. (C. STALLARD)

The man's all right, but .... (OwEN QUINN)

I honestly couldn't care less what people think. (D. L. L. CLARKE)

It isn't for myself that I Mind. (A. DAVIS)

The whole truth of the matter. is .... (JOYCE JOHNSON)

PRIZES

(D. F. BUSHELL) ,

But I never dreamed that anyone would remember my birthday I can't think why so many people bring their little troubles to-me . Of Course, I always think of myself as the absolutely average person ....

I don't envy anyone with money in these days ....

I wasn't a bit annoyed—I found the whole thing extremely amusing.

(FRANCES COLLINGWOOD)

I'd love to, but I have to go to a dreary party that day.

Of course you know best, but ....

I'd sooner starve ....

I wouldn't disturb you for the world, but ....

Give me brains every time.

(H. MORCOM TAYLOR)

Now don't let me disturb you, please.

Oh, I didn't mean you to do it.

Not that I care personally.

As you know, I never repeat gossip.

I'm only telling you for your own good.

-(LEONARD Tivrv) Final Edition (of an evening newspaper : one of the earliest). No Exit Ion the Underground or in a cinema : the quickest way out). You Will Remember, of course-.... (you have certainly forgotten)._ Well, I'm no Prude, but .... (but I'm• going to be prudish about this). .Radical Socialist (in France : conservative fi-ee-enterprise).

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