Television
Saint Bob
Alexander Chancellor
Should Bob Geldof be knighted or given the MBE? Should he be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, or should he not? These are tricky questions which I am glad I am not called upon to answer. Mrs Thatcher's problem is the more difficult. If she gives him nothing, she will be hounded by the popular press until the next election and probably lose it. If she gives him a mere MBE — the honour Harold Wilson thought appropriate for the Beatles — she will be hounded hardly less. But if she has him knighted, she will appear opportunis- tic (and he ridiculous).
The Scandinavian notables on the Nobel Peace Prize Committee have an easier problem. They are ridiculous anyway, and Mr Geldof would be a worthier recipient of the award than several past winners, in- cluding Dr Kissinger and Mr Begin. At least he has not yet started a war. But the committee could be deterred from canonis- ing any further Irish idealists by the disas- ters which befell the Ulster peace women after they received the prize.
Bob Geldof is an improbable saint. He has a lean and hungry look and is also, quite clearly, a tremendous bully. During the early stages of the Live Aid spectacular on BBC2 last Saturday he was furious that more money wasn't coming in from the people of Britain. Banging his fist on a table with disturbing violence, he com- mended us to telephone various numbers immediately and pledge everything we could to the starving of Africa. I was so • frightened that I called all the different numbers in London, only to find them permanently engaged. Finally I tried a number in Scotland, trusting in the Scots to be less easily hectored into parting with their money, but that was engaged as well. It was cruel of Mr Geldof to threaten us so without giving us the means of redemption.
All credit to him nevertheless for getting these vain, self-obsessed pop stars to enter- tain the world for free. And they did a terrific job. Wembley and the JFK stadium in Philadelphia pulsated with energy, and the miraculous to-ing and fro-ing between them by satellite made it more exciting still. The success of Live Aid has been taken as a' tribute to the altruism of youth. Perhaps rightly so, but it is also amazing how old many pop heroes are. Saturday's stars included Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney, both over 40, and a very grey- haired group called the Who. It is a tribute to the broad-mindedness of the young that they continue to idolise such people.
It might be regarded as clever of the BBC to persuade a politician to stand up and accept an award for belonging to one of the country's most distrusted profes- sions. The MP, however, was Mr Austin Mitchell. According to a survey by the consumer programme Watchdog (BBC1 , Sundays), only journalists and door-to- door salesmen are distrusted even more than Mr Mitchell and his kind. In contrast, the public have almost total faith in the trustworthiness of doctors, bank managers, and policemen — Yes, policemen.
The best thing in the final episode in Channel 4's long and conscientious End of Empire series, which dealt with the crea- tion of Zimbabwe, was President Samora Machel of Mozambique singing Mrs Thatcher's praises in Portuguese. It was this funny little communist dictator, so we learnt, who had saved the Lancaster House talks from collapse and the British govern- ment from humiliation. He did so by ordering his protege, Mr Mugabe, to go back to the negotiating table. The pro- gramme included lots of good interviews with practically all the leading actors in the Rhodesian drama — the surprising excep- tions being Lord Wilson and Lord Home. Denis Healey revealed he thought Wilson `insane' to have publicly ruled out the use of force for ending UDI. Lord Soames, the last Governor of Rhodesia, disclosed that African elections are different from En- glish ones because Africans have peculiar local habits, like sticking tent-poles up each other. Bishop Muzorewa earned the contempt of General Walls, Rhodesia's military leader, for announcing he put his trust in two such incompatible advisers as God and the British Foreign Office. Mr Mugabe put his trust in neither and, as we all know, won hands down. Game, set and match to President Machel.
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