PERSONAL COLUMN

In the grip of the system

PETER J. SMITH

Earlier this year I opened a personal account with the National Giro. A friend of mine, informed of this simple fact, stopped dead in his tracks, jaw agape, and pondered in deadly silence this uncharacteristically flam- boyant action. The need for self-justification was clear. It's all in the cause of scientific objectivity, I explained. How do I know that all those Giro-knocking letters in the press are not written by PR men for the clearing banks or hopeless cases of anti-state institu- tion troglodytism? Exuding warm-hearted optimism and goodwill I explained that I wanted to see for myself how, and how well, Giro operates.

And so I applied. A couple of weeks later I was inundated with paper emanating from Bootle, Lancashire. Cheques, transfer forms, deposit slips, record cards, reorder forms, official-paid envelopes, a forty-page hand- book. a sixteen-page guide and a list of fees and charges landed on my desk. Also in- cluded was a pretty little blue wallet which, I gathered, was intended to hold the multi- farious forms. It didn't. In accordance with the quaint British tradition, it was just that little bit too small. (This later proved to be a blessing in disguise, for it turned out that three year old boys are extremely fond of pretty little blue wallets, courtesy of National Giro, and a little imagination goes a long way towards a peaceful Sunday afternoon especially in the child banking service.) I also received a number: 69 981 1104. to quote on all communications etc. It didn't take long to memorise because the brain cells previously devoted to old-fashioned, easily- remembered telephone numbers had been empty of late.

By and large the system has worked quite well, as far as it goes, when once I had spent half an hour explaining to a counter clerk in the Wootton, Liverpool, post office just what Giro is and how it operates. Compared with an account at a conventional bank, a Giro account has both advantages and disadvan- tages. So far as I can see. the advantages are relatively trivial. Daily statements (upon request) are fine for people with had memor- ies: and free transfers from one Giro account to another, especially useful where public utilities are concerned, together with free postage on transactions, give the feeling that one is getting something for nothing.

The obvious disadvantage is that almost all the ancillary services offered by a normal hank are simply not there; and even within the realm of simple financial transactions, the system does not really compare. Two deficiencies seem to me to he particularly silly, not to say scandalous. The compara- tively minor one is that no cheque may be drawn for less than five shillings. To habitu- ally big spenders this may he of little con- cern, but to avid readers of pamphlets and the like who live outside London. having to trot off to the post office to buy postal orders is both irksome and time-wasting. The only way around this is to have a regular bank account as well—but then why join Giro?

The really, lunatic restriction is that account holders may only withdraw cash on denvmd at a • single, pre-designated post office. The Post Office must have more branches in Britain than all the banks put together. yet this remarkable advantage has been squan- dered. The banks have almost universal cash withdrawal facilities these days—and did so before Giro started.

Giro was, of course, one of the brain- children of Harold Wilson's government: another point of some concern to that gov- ernment, I seem to recall, was the mobility of labour. It seems a pity the two ideas were not integrated, for Giro is certainly not for those of nomadic bent—that is, for those who have the effrontery to move house after they have opened a Giro account. On 7 May I moved from Liverpool to Hanslope, Buck- inghamshire. `You should give the National Giro Centre at least six days' notice of any change of your permanent address,' says the aforementioned forty-page handbook. So I did. On 30 April 1 posted a letter (actually dated 1 May) giving details of my impend- ing move. On 5 May I received an acknowl- edgement (dated 4 May) of the letter. Noth- ing else happened. On 15 May I phoned the Giro Centre (cost over £1) to .find out what was going on. They had received no letter from me, I was told, although, curi- ously, they were able to quote my new address correctly back at me. Next day received a second acknowledgement, dated 15 May, thanking me for my original letter.

Nothing else then happened for a week. Then on 23 May I received a letter dated the previous day. 'Thank you for your recent telephone call, in which you advise [sic] me of your change of address', it began. So much for bothering to write letters to Giro. The next paragraph warrants preservation in the national irony archives. 'We aim to deal with customer's [sic] transaction documents on the day they are received: to do so, we have to process the documents in a sequence related to departure times from Liverpool of mail service trains to six areas of the country. Documents proper to the different areas are identified by the 1st figure of the account number which is printed on the special envelopes supplied to Giro customers. If an account holder moves to an area served by a different train service it is necessary to provide him with a new account number to ensure that transactions receive the cor- rect priority treatment at the Giro Centre'.

So much for the famed twenty-four-hour first class letter service, not to mention the British education system.

My new number was thus 29 561 5001, the letter continued: fresh stationery hearing my new account number and address had been ordered; in the meantime an emerg- ency supply of stationery had been despatch- ed; a letter to authorise collection of I'm new Giro cards tone each for my wife and myself, which actually requires two letters) would be sent as soon as possible; and would I kindly return my old stationery and Giro cards (no envelope large enough supplied). I did. The emergency stationery arrived the following day.

Meanwhile. although I had left Liverpool on 7 May. statements relating to account 69 981 1104 ssere still being sent to my old house. Because the post Mice now refuses to redirect mail if there is someone in the house able (whether willing or not) to do it. the new tenants were daily obliged to walk half a mile to the nearest post box. One of the redirected statements kindly told me that on 21 May the £27 7s 6d remaining in my old account had been transferred to the new one.

On 3 June I received two letters (2 June) informing me that we could now pick up our Giro cards at Hanslope post office. On 4 June. when my wife went to collect hers, the postmaster regretted that he knew nothing about it. By 6 June it had arrived, however, and was duly collected. On 8 June I went to collect mine. The postmaster viewed me with the air of one who has met con men before and is fully wise to all their tricks. Your wife picked it up, he said. I explained that there should be one for me, too. There wasn't.

The same day I again telephoned the Giro Centre (cost over LI ). By this time I had received the first statement (I June) relating to my new account, showing it to be £4 I6s Od overdrawn.—although overdrafts are strictly forbidden at Giro—but showing no sign of the £27 7s 6d. How did the man explain that, then? Well, it's not really overdrawn. is it. he said, if you have £27 7s (id in? Did he know, before I told him, that money was due to be credited to the new account from the old one? No, he didn't--as far as he knew. 29 561 5001 was a completely new account. In any case, where way my f27 7s od? Not a clue—he would have to check with the department in charge of the old account. And where was my Giro card? Again not a clue—hut one would be sent right away.

On 11 June I received a statement dated the previous day showing that the £27 7s lid had now been credited to my new account. It had been in limbo for twenty days. On 13 June I called at Hanslope post office for my Giro card. 'the postmaster looked at me blankly. so 1 hurriedly moved out. On 14 June I received a parcel of cancelled cheques which had been received at. and redirected from. my old address over four week after 1 had left. On 22 June I again called for my Giro card. with the predictable result.

.. I have now not been able to withdraw any cash from my account since 7 May, and the Giro Centre seems intent on keeping it that way. For all they know..I could be starving on the street. In addition. I have spent over two pounds and at least an hour on an address-changing operation which is still not complete and looks as though it never will be. The moral seems to be: Stay in one house all your life, or don't open a Giro account. Delete the inapplicable.