COMPETITION

Jenny

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1745 you were asked for a new version of Leigh Hunt's 'Jenny kissed me', substituting another word or words for 'kissed me'.

As a boy, I hated this arch little rondeau, just as I hated Leigh Hunt's other antholo- gy piece, `Abou Ben Adhem'. Only years later did I discover his two fine, grotesque sonnets, 'To a Fish' and 'A Fish Answers'. Revenge on Jenny was sweet, and almost 200 entries contributed to the fun. The prizewinners, printed below, have £10 apiece, and the bonus bottle of Aberlour

Single Malt whisky goes to John Allain for his skilful topical twist.

Jenny beat me when we met.

Only twenty moves it lasted; Something I shall not forget, Left me truly flabbergasted. But I'm human, she is not, I can go back to my tutor; Then I'll show her just what's what.

Damned computer! (John Allain) Jenny bellowed when we met Swearwords horridly improper, Words I never can forget, Though I tried my best to stop her.

If we ever meet again, Some years hence, she may have mellowed, But my mind will still retain What she bellowed. (Carolyn Beckingham)

Jenny wondered, when we met, If our lives would intermingle. After eating her omelette I decided to stay single. Though we got along in bed, Came the day when we were sundered. I knew just why love had fled: Jenny wondered. (H. Bryant) Jenny Joseph when we met Read to me her poem, `Warning'; She was clothed in violet, Scarlet toque her head adorning.

I just mention this because

It was weird ... though Heaven knows if Who I spoke to really was Jenny Joseph. (Gerard Benson) Jenny stung me when we met - 'Hello, Baldy!' was her greeting: I, her father, was upset, Saying, `Here's a sorry meeting. "Hello, Daddy dear," please say To the old, as to the young me.' Such was my reproof the day Jenny stung me. (Stanley Shaw) Jenny killed me when we met, Pulled a knife and stabbed with malice; All because she couldn't forget That I'd played around with Alice.

So I hover, night and day, Seething with the rage that filled me As I died while trying to say, 'Jenny killed me.' (Kathleen Mayor) Jenny bet me when we met Half a grand I'd be her lover. 'Done,' I said. Now I regret Taking no insurance cover. Spirit willed, but flesh was weak: Seven brandies after dinner, Half-asleep, I heard the shriek: `I'm the winner!' (Crazy Horse) Jenny bit me when we met, On the ear, and none too kindly. 'How', she hissed, 'could you forget?'

How indeed? I wondered blindly. 'What?' I asked her. 'Where and when?'

Seeking clues that might acquit me. 'Men!' she spat, and once again Jenny bit me. (Noel Petty) Jenny eyed me when we met In a manner far from pleasant: Not belonging to her set, I was deemed the merest peasant.

So I showed her Grandpa's name In Debrett, which lay beside me.

Then, oh then, with glance aflame Jenny eyed me! (Polly Flinders) Jenny goosed me when we met, Pointedly, upon the bottom.

(Never one for etiquette,

She grabbed chances when she got 'em.) I, back then a modest man, Couldn't say what so seduced me; Nowadays, of course, I can: Jenny goosed me. (David Cram)

No. 1748: Comic and curious

In that enchanting anthology, J.M. Cohen's A Choice of Comic and Curious Verse (Penguin), there are poems with the fol- lowing three titles: 'I Dunno', 'Jargon- Jingle' and 'Galoshes'. You are invited to write a comic and curious poem (maximum 16 lines) with one of these titles. Entries to 'Competition No. 1748' by Thursday, 1 October.