Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS

Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street, London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No. (—).

Competition No. 23 (Set by "Duou." ) IT is assumed that, to increase the national character of the present Government, places are found in the Cabinet for Mr. Edgar Wallace, Miss Amy Johnson and Mr. Jack Hobbs. A prize of £3 3s. is offered for a paragraph, in the style of the News of the Week section of the Spectator, expressing approval of these appointments. No paragraph must exceed 250 words in length.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, September 21st, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of October 3rd.

Competition No. 24 (Set by " crusplAN.") IN a crowded railway carriage, a conversation carried on between any two of the passengers is closely and attentively followed by their fellow travellers, and it has happened on occasion that ingenious and inventive couples have whiled away the tedium of a journey by improvising a dialogue expressly intended for outside consumption. A prize of £3 3s. is offered for the best suggestion for such a dialogue framed either (a) to intrigue or (b) to terrify the remaining occupants of a third class compartment during a through run from Paddington to Reading. There is a limit of 350 words, inclusive of stage directions.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, September 28th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of October 10th.

The result of Competition No. 22 will appear in our next issue.

Report of Competition No. 21 [REPORT AND AWARD BY " DIIGLI."1 A PRIZE of £3 3s. was offered for a stanza on the lines of the Mad Gardener's Song in " Sylvie and Bruno," beginning : " He thought he saw the Schneider Cup . . ."

It is a proof of the elfish genius of Lewis Carroll that, though we probably quote from his books in our ordinary conversation more often than from any others except the Bible and the works of Shakespeare, he is almost impossible to imitate. Among the large number of excellent stanzas received this week there were not many that could be imagined as a part of the Gardener's " own history."

There were, naturally, a lot of political rhymes, of which the following are good examples : He thought he saw the Schneider Cup In box as black as jet ; He looked again and found it was A brand new Cabinet ; If it protects our things, he said, Good-bye to dole and fret. Rocs.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Filled from the village pump : He looked again and found it was A Soviet-Russian dump : " Is it a wonder now," he said, " The £ is on the slump Y " H. E. M.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Flash roaring o'er the sea. He looked again and saw it was Two bankers pouring tea.

" I'll heave a brick at them," he said, " For they've near ruined me." K. W.

A good Many competitors thought they saw the cup " brimful " of wine or beer, or even of champagne. Mrs. M. Hargreaves' hero saw it

Abrim with laurel tea :

But going closer found himself Face-downward on the sea : " Though if it tastes like this," he gasped,

" Fame's surely bad for me 1 " Several competitors saw a connexion between the cup and the unsolved problem as to " whether pigs have wings." Here are two varieties of the same theme : He thought he saw the Schneider Cup In Porky Grunter's sty ; He looked again and found it was A resurrection pie : " At last I understand," he said, " Why pigs refuse to fly."

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Up held in triumph high. He looked again, a pig with wings Had won it in the sky. " His fame will be engraved," they said, " On Melton Mowbray pie." THOMAS Joints.

Oher competitors discovered it as a fly, a bee, or, several times, as a performing flea. The Rev. H. C. Robins tells us how He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Descending out of space • He looked again and found it was A prawn's pink carapace ; " If prawns are going to fly," he said, " We'll never win the race."

Where so many competitors have reached a more or less equal standard it is necessary to be very strict in inter- preting the rules, and to exclude from the possible prize- winners those who did not keep to the Mad Gardener's invariable third line (" He looked again and found it was . . ."). This rules out the excellent stanza of the Very Rev. C. O'Flaherty, which is printed, with congratula- tions, below, and several other witty and delightfully fatuous lines.

The following, in addition to those already mentioned, are highly commended : " Chiron," " Damon," P. C. G., B. A., Jonathan Simpson, Harry B. Hermon-Hodge, " Dims," E. W. Rooke, Miss Christina Young, Mary C. Metherell and L. V. Upward.

The prize is divided among three competitors, each of whom will receive £1 I s. : " Phineas," " Beresa " (who are asked to send names and addresses to which their cheques may be sent) and Rev. C. A. Mount, 28 Clinton Crescent, St. Leonards-on-Sea.

" Beresa's " second line is weak, but the stanza finishes with a true Carrollian touch, only equalled by " Chiron's " unfortunately disqualified entry.

THE "WINNING STANZAS.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Behind a Premier's fan : He looked again and found it was A little Five-Year Plan.

" A hive of bees," he said, " would please, And more become the man." PnarrEes.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Perform the Three-Card Trick : He looked again and found it was A Monkey on a Stick. " Please don't go up again," he said,

" It makes me very sick." BERF

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Awaiting competition ; He looked again, and found it was The T.U.C.'s condition : " If we should swallow this," he said, " Good-bye to our position ! " C. A. M.

SOME HIGHLY COMMENDED ENTRIES.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Come thrice to British lips : He looked again and saw a twin Non possumus eclipse :

" giyo a thoUsUnd pounds," he cried, " To see them come to grips."

VERY Rzv. C. O'Flakawarr.

He thought he saw the Schneider Cup Upon his breakfast tray; He looked again and saw it was A bust of Faraday ; - R. F. Asawnr.

" As my digestion's weak," he said, " I shan't get up to-day." CHIRON.