Election Commentary

Advance from Blackpool

'WHERE the devil's Rab'?' 'Probably slapping Cross- bencher on the back.'

'Don't get you.'

'Didn't you sec his piece last Sunday?'

'Yes.'

'Oh, yes, I saw that. Very funny, I thought it.' 'Ha-ha-ha.'

'Ha-ha.'

'Ha.'

'Where the devil is Rab?' •

'Now don't tell me you're nervous.'

'Heavens, no. Nothing wrong with the manifesto, after all—nothing in it, come to that.'

'Some of those boys can be pretty unpleasant with their questions.'

'Got one for them. Make them announce name and newspaper. Half a smile as soon we hear Daily Herald, and the rest are on our side at

once.' , 'I must say you are cool.'

'I didn't get where I am by accident, you know.'

'Neither did Rab.'

'Ha-ha-ha.'

'I like the photograph. No wrinkles, no bags.

About 1940, I'd say. Ha-ha-ha.'

'Ha.'

'Pretty well all over bar the shouting, eh?'

'Pretty well. Better not say so. though. Many a slip.'

'You phrase it perfectly.'

'Who'd have thought it this time two years ago, eh?'

'Who. indeed.'

'They've helped, of course.'

'Of course,' 'Couldn't have done it without you, though.'

'Kind of you to say so. Your unflappability helped. you know.'

'Funny asing about you. Hope you don't mind my saying it now, but I never thought you'd buckle down to the day-to-day stuff like the rest of us.'

'Nobody ever accused me of being afraid of hard work.'

'No. no, my dear fellow, 1 didn't mean the job. Good Lord, you've worked harder than any of us. No, I meant the rough-and-tumble, the in- fighting. The dirt, they'd call it.'

' 'Don't quite follow you.'

'Of course, Charlie never turned a hair. Didn't really expect .him to. But you're another kettle of fish. Must be your training at the Bar.'

'I still don't . .

'Remember that pamphlet headed "Stop Hugh Gaitskell helping the Communists"? Went down a treat, I must say. They got rid of nearly 3.000 copies at Bournemouth, Chummy Friend was telling me—before his unfortunate accident, that is, ha-ha-ha. And you were splendid at Suez. Funny thing that, too. Never would have thought you'd wear it at all, to tell you the truth. I mean, you've always been pretty hot for the law and order stuff, haven't you?'

'I wish you wouldn't talk like that. If you mean do I believe in law and justice, and think that Christian ideals can be applied in politics, the answer is yes, I do. And why not? Gladstone did.'

'Different party.'

'What's that got to do with it?'

'Well, he was against the Bulgarian atrocities, or whatever they were, wasn't he'?'

'I've never supported any Bulgarian atrocities in my life.'

'No, of course not. Still, there were rather a lot of Egyptians killed in Port Said.'

'You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.'

'Breaking Wogs, more like it. Ha-ha-ha.' 'Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.'

'No, but seriously. How do you square it'?'

'No problem at all. Britain strong and free; protect our interests; somebody gets hurt, that's too had. Doesn't affect the principle of the thing.'

'Doesn't affect yours, anyway. Seen anything of young Nicolson lately?' 'No.'

'That reminds me. 1 never told you how much I liked the way you handled the press conference when you announced the result.'

'Oh, thanks. I must say I did think that went off quite well. One or two nasty moments, too.'

'Yes, you were splendid. Lovely bit got on the television where you were saying how you'd make quite sure his name went forward to any selection conference if he asked for it to. Said it with a straight face, too.'

'Of course I said it with a straight face. Meant every word of it'.

'Oh, come. We're among friends, you know. Nobody here to rush off and tell the world.' 'Where on earth's Rab?'

'And you kept your head at Blackpool, too.'

'Hope you don't mind my saying so—water over the dam now, of course--but I think you might have done better there.'

'Don't rub it in; I know. Still, it was a bit dis- concerting. "Land of Hope and Glory" one minute, and the next minute people having their faces bashed in all round.'

'You should have whipped out your Aeschylus and started reading.'

'Yes.'

'You know, like you did in the shell-hole.'

'Yes.'

'Ha-ha-ha.'

'Yes.'

'I say, hope you liked that bit about no mud- slinging. Rather pleased with that, if I say so myself. Got a good bit about how they're un- patriotic and anti-British for my next speech, too.'

'That's the stuff.'

'Not that we really need it.'

'No. Eighty, do you think?'

'Thereabouts. I sometimes think I'm dreaming.

How did we do it?'

'As I said, chaps like you buckling down to the hard stuff. Looked good, you know; you and Derick—upright men, always going on about ser- vice and religion and all that. Pretty well bound to convince people in the end. Shouldn't have liked to try it on my own, I must say. Not even with Charlie behind me.'

'Ha-ha-ha.'

'Ha-ha.'

'No, but I mean, it stands to reason; Alan couldn't be as bad as people made out if chaps like you and Dcrick stuck around.'

'I think you've got the wrong idea about it, you know. You seem to think I don't mean a word I say.'

'Don't get shirty now, for Heaven's sake. Not now it's in the bag.'

'No, really. I'm in this because I think the country needs us, and because I think serving my country in a job like this is the highest form of endeavour I know, and one towards which I feel impelled by my unshakable beliefs in—' 'Do you think you could do a leaflet about that Edith woman at Suez? You know, how she said she was ashamed to be British.'

'All right. And I'll put in a bit about that red- haired —, too, on Cyprus.'

'Excellent. Ah, there's Rab.'

'Good. All ready?'

'All ready. Let's go.'

'Let's.' TAPER