YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I have to send a thank you letter to someone grand who has written very warm- ly to me about a recent exhibition of my paintings. Do you agree with me that there IS something rather flattering in not putting someone's full title on an envelope and that to put a more casual address implies a clos- er and more intimate friendship? I feel that to get the full title fully correct would indi- cate a rather creepy knowledge of etiquette or that I had been looking the person in question up in a handbook. Then I wonder if one should get the title slightly wrong to cover up one's creepiness? It is only that I am trying to be more personal. What do you think?
Name and address withheld.
A. By all means continue to address the Person in question in the manner in which You have been accustomed in conversation inside the envelope. On the envelope, how- ever, you must stick rigidly to the formal rules of address. Not to do so could under- Mine your correspondent's authority with his or her postman or staff.
Q. What do you do when someone you are talking to mispronounces a word? This happened to me recently when someone I was talking to pronounced the word Grosvenor Gros-ven-or. I did not like to correct her as she was the sort of person who might have felt 'put down' yet I myself wanted to say the word Grosvenor, indeed knew I was going to have to, sooner or later in the conversation which took place at a drinks party. As a result I said `Gros-ven- or' too, but I am sure that since our conver- sation she will have found out the correct pronunciation and feel that I have been making fun of her. What should I have done?
A.N.W., London.
A. You could have avoided putting down your interlocutor by mispronouncing the word Grosvenor yourself in a different way. Then you could have said, as the conversa- tion continued, 'You know, I don't think either of us has got this pronunciation right. Let's ask a third party for an opinion.' When you are both exposed as being incor- rect your interlocutor will feel a sense of camaraderie rather than one of inferiority.
Q. On more than one occasion this year my husband and I have had to call in the RAC Rescue Service. My husband knows nothing about car engines yet insists on putting his head in the bonnet alongside the mechanic and feigning interest and knowledge about what might be wrong. Do you not think that he should just let the man get on with it, without pretending to a knowledge he quite obviously does not have?
R.R, Burton-on-the-Water A. No. Many RAC men derive great satis- faction from assisting members of the pub- lic who have been disabled by their lack of knowledge or car maintenance skills. They take great pleasure in the personalities they meet while going about their business and enjoy the interaction that the job affords them.
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