Glittering like beautiful fishes

Arthur Benson, son of an archbishop and brother of the novelist E. F. Benson, wrote many books and a diary of some five million words. He also kept two notebooks from which!. A. Gere has made a selection (Bensoniana and Cornishiana, Stone Trough Books, £9.50, pp. 61), which includes those printed below. They have more charm than wit or wisdom, though there are traces of these qualities. Blanche Warne-Cornish was married to an Eton master and a selection of her sharp remarks completes the book

.*****.********************• ***rt.* Lord Kinross, very amiable, said to a friend that he had found such a delightful man in the Cabinet, such a friend, Fowler by name [Lord Wolverhampton]. 'Why!', said the friend, 'how can you say that? I have always regarded F. as a pestilent fellow and an infernal cad,' If he has a fault', said K, 'I must admit that it lies in that direction.'

The curious gestures of clock hands at dif- ferent hours.

The philosopher and the hens which hur- ried to be fed. 'I am a match for any one of these little creatures alone, but if they made a combined attack on us, and their attitude is very menacing, they might do us a serious injury.'

Bachelorhood tends to emphasise both faults and virtues, marriage to modify both.

I was reading Dowson's letters yesterday. He was an enthusiast in his way and I am sure a very trustworthy man: but I felt that if such letters were thought publishable, good God, what must ordinary communica- tions be? They seemed so decorous, so snippy, no curve or flourish about them, like a box of dried figs, an awful picture of what being employed in literature results in.

Esher's advice: 'Never say where you have been, and never ask for anything unless you are pretty certain to get it.'

Child being taught O.T. History — Golden Calf — `So God was very angry with the Israelites' — 'Very what?' — 'Very angry, dear, he was indeed."Why, I should think that most people would have laughed!'

The days when H[enry] J[ames]'s sentence was a young thing which could run where it liked instead of a delicate creature swathed in relative clauses as an invalid in shawls. 'One forgives people who have never in their lives known what they were doing or where they were going, but who glitter like beautiful fishes.' (H. Brewster).

Man who told Hume he had unsuccessfully tried to be a philosopher.

H: 'What books did you read?'

'Nay, nay, I read no books, but I used to spend whole forenoons a-yawning and poking the fire.'

Belloc standing at Elevation (he prefers it). Verger: 'You must kneel or leave the church.'

Belloc: 'You go to Hell.'

V: 'I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't see you were a Catholic.'

A. C. Benson (1911)

Parnell reading Alice earnestly from cover to cover, never smiling and saying, 'A curi- ous book!'

F. Newman (bro. of Cardinal) wore three overcoats, the outermost of green shaggy cloth, and the lowest eight inches of trousers lined inside and out with leather, & large floppy hat, went to Dublin & was followed and hooted by boys. 'They repeat- edly asked me,' he said, 'to tell them who my hatter was — and really, Nicholson, in the confusion of the moment, I could not remember the man's name.'

J. M. Barrie about Kipling: 'If the Germans were to force a landing in England and invade us, where should we find Kipling? Under the sofa! He is the most timid man I

ever met in my life.'

Clifford Albutt told Jowett he thought of retiring from practical life to read and reflect. 'What a fate for a man to retire from work for contemplation & then dis- cover he had nothing to think about — but find out.'

Benj. Kennedy made by his daughters to have a gas ring for early tea at five in the morning shouting: 'Julia — I can't manage this — I turn the tap repeatedly but noth- ing results but a singular whistling sound and an insupportable smell.'

'Max Beerbohm's parody of Elinor (Mrs H. Ward): 'Blue, blue is the Italian sky — white, white shines the Italian villa — but hush, hush; be very careful as you approach the marble threshold. Speak low lest you disturb the inmates. Everyone is unwell.'

Joseph Knight (Jowett's secretary) in hope of encouraging J. to be more amiable, laughed aloud at one of his stories. 'You need not laugh so loud, Knight — you are not my wife.'

Athenaeum: Man treads on another's toe. 'Don't apologise. It's the most sociable thing that ever happened to me here.'

R. Knox introducing a stranger: 'This is Watson — he has been associated with me in most of my cases, and you can speak quite freely before him.'

Dyer (Eton master) on missing an easy putt: 'The sun was in my eyes — and then I have such light eyelashes.'

Henry James describing Mark Twain's talk: 'He thought, he thought, in fact he seemed to think, he seemed to claim, in a word, he claimed that all the time at our disposal was at his disposal.' H. J. went on to say that Mark Twain seemed to be thinking aloud: 'He retracted, he emphasised, he withdrew his emphasis, he corrected in public, he revised, he modified the scheme of his sen- tence, he filched away an adjective, he dabbed on a word .. it was inconceivable, indecent, pathological.'

Max Beerbohm, after a fire at his house, tipped a police inspector, who said he wasn't allowed to receive gratuities. 'Oh, don't mention it,' said Max, 'regard it as a loan.'

Hornby and Old Etonian. 0.E.: 'I was at Eton for six years and my people spent a lot of money on it, and I haven't any idea what I got out of it.' Homby: 'Why, that's the beauty of it.'

Cornish farmer: 'Oh, Mr P was a powerful preacher. I sate four pews away from the pulpit and when he got free from his text I