Q. I have been asked to deliver a eulogy at
a memorial service for a lifelong friend. To say that speaking in public is an ordeal is putting it mildly, but to refuse would be out of the question, so close were we for a great part of his life. Can you offer any advice on the content and delivery of the eulogy; in short, what is the form for these occasions? I would hate it to seem as though I had said too little or too much. We became friends on our first day at school and were inseparable until I was called up for the army; thereafter we remained in touch until his death. Should I present a draft of my speech to the family?
B. W, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands A. It is important to avoid the classic gaffe of unconsciously writing a eulogy about yourself. To this end, write it following consultation with family and other close friends who can supply anecdotes and recollections to boost your own material. Rehearse a final draft into a tape recorder for the purposes of timing, bearing in mind that seven minutes was the length of Euan Graham's famous address at the memorial service for Alan Clark. It confined itself to the theme of what it was like to be a friend of the deceased, as a recitation of the person's career is guaranteed to introduce a sense of torpor, if not somnolence, in an ecclesiastical setting. Five minutes will be more than adequate if your friend was not a celebrity; three-and-a-half minutes if there is more than one speaker.
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