Figures of Speech Day

The usual prize was offered for either notes for a speech or an extract from a speech to be made by any one of the following distinguished visitors, or former pupils, at a school speech day : Hamlet, Mrs. Proudie, the White Knight, Becky Sharp, Sir Joseph Porter, Scobie.

THE problem facing the Upper VIth was how to preserve the idiosyncrasies of these highly individual characters within the con- ventional framework of a school speech day. The first part was well done; the second less so.

Mrs. Proudie, as befits a bishop's lady, Made the most probable speeches, e.g., Is a straight back and an upright carriage a thing to be proud of if the soul is warped and the moral being crooked?' (Rev. D. M. (ireenhalgh.)

The best verse Sir Joseph Porter was from L. S.C.; best prose version from A. Macdonald. Typical advice came from R. Kennard Davis:

I never never cribbed, or stamped my prep, And in doing my sums I showed each step.

I showed each step so carefully That now I am ruler of the Queen's Navee.

Among the Becky Sharps, Vera Telfer and Walter Percival produced pieces subtle enough for that very subtle young lady. Hamlet was the most popular choice and there were some commendably diligent pieces of composite Shakespeare, such as ;I,lat produced by W. J. Carson. The White ,„"night was consistently amusing and Haight Gunter,Huke, C. F. E. and• A. C. Evans all achieved an advanced

evel, as did the Hamlets of G. J. Blundell, E Hinder, R. Kennard Davis and D. R. reddy (the only person to perpetrate `2b or not 2b').

, Only two people, alas, attempted Scobie, out both tackled this difficult subject well, and to J. A. Lindon I award two guineas. "neither two guineas to Granville Garley's White Knight and one guinea each to E. C. Iienkins's White Knight an4 A. M. Sayers's Hamlet.

PRIZES

(J. A. LINDON) SCOBIE AT DOWNHAM

The ripple of applause died, obedient to his raised hand. 'Well, that's the life out there.' he said. He could feel the immaturity of his audience expectant before him, like a spread blanket. 'Just drab routine. Dispute over rent

and cargoes, drink, trouble with .' Be careful, he told himself. Don't destroy their illusions. 'But I have not forgotten my school- days. I even won a prize once, a copy of Allan Quatermain. That was the only time.' He smiled. Sympathetic amusement rustled across the upturned faces. In my school, he thought wearily, they learn bitterness and frustration and how to grow old. Perhaps I should have done better at Downham. I don't know. That's all, boys, I'm afraid. I never was much of a speaker.' He sat down, acutely conscious of Louise in the second row. I am an adulterer, thought Scobie; while the applause went on and on-like eternity.

(GRANVILLE OARLEY)

THE WHITE KNIGHT (Noma) Make unusual entrance-on horseback- should arouse immediate interest. Rise grace- fully to feet (Memo: wear my patent sus- penders that keep socks down, just in case I fall on my head), and say how pleased? surprised? I am to be present. Acknowledge cheers by waving flag (Memo: remember to pack my patent telescopic travelling flagpole). Tell one of my little jokes (Query: what shall I tell him?). Stress analogy between school and life. Rules of Battle apply to both. Same enemies. Catch Head's eye. Smile to show that he is not enemy referred to. Throw eye hack. Conclude by singing old school song called 'Hie Jacet' (it really is 'Beat Me, Daddy, with a Solid Four') to a tune of my own invention. (Memo: remember to pack tun- ing fork and spoon, so I shall be ready for either Suppe or Supper.)

(E. C. JENKINS) THE WHITE KNIGHT AT ST. SWINDLE'S

I daresay many of your visitors talk to you about their hobbies, but I suppose I am the first one to bring the horse with him. After all, Education is just Taking a Horse to Water. Then there's learning the Rules of Battle which I hope you will all do. I must tell you about my Invention. It's my very own. It's a Revolv- ing School. Nobody is at the Top or at the Bottom because there isn't any. Then there's my invention for passing examinations. I call it Eccles Cake because it's a piece of. All the Lost Marks are collected in this beehive and shared out among the under-privileged and nobody's feelings are hurt. But Horse Learn- ing is the chief thing. There's Having a Bob On-that's Arithmetic. And Getting into the Saddle-that's Politics. And Falling Off- that's easy. Like this!

(A. M. SAYERS) HAMLET

Who am 1, friends, to tender you advice, I that am slow in framing great designs And weak in execution? Is% for me To prate, like some vainglorious paragon, Of mighty virtues crowned with meet reward? Not so. And yet, if I should word it thus- 'Hamlet, infirm of purpose, craz'd in mind, But not so craz'd but he can smell his faults, Bids you peruse his chronicle of woe, Erase his actions, stuff his dreams with deeds And wear his princely garments-inside out!' That were advice that wisely you might heed. . . .