'Westminster Corridors
As the Death of Emperors is foreshadowed, not in the Entrails of a Hawk, but in the ill-discipline of the Praetorian Guard, so there are already sunlry portents that the Instinct of Loyalty hath greatly decayed among all but the Most Timid of Placemen. Thus, when some Back-bench Tories, who form a Committee to discuss Financial Topicks, refused to follow the due Procedure, whereby a new Chairman is elected at the start of each Parliamentary Session, but instead saw fit to delay their Selection until Master Heath had revealed the name of his Principal Assistant on Oeconomick Matters, the Whips were at once despatched to crush this Revolt and to insist on Elections there and then, Yet this served only to strengthen the Resolve of the Rebels, whereupon the Whips admitted Defeat and Withdrew, which did much to refresh the Tory Spirit of Independence.
Nor was this Obscure Disorder a chance and lonely Instance. It will yet be fresh in your Minds that, following the secret Gathering of Tory Paladins under Master Du Cann (dubbed the 'Milk Street Mafia'), Master Heath's faithful bag-carrier scurried about, spreading the Intelligence that Anger and Indignation were Rife among Tories against Master Du Cann and his Colleagues, in consequence whereof he would be unseated in the forthcoming Contest, and, as like as not, there would be chosen a 1922 Committee, possessed of Loyalty without End or Qualification. Such were the confident Promises. Yet, not a Single Man of Bottom could be discovered, though several were approached and pleaded with, to be the Champion of his Leader against Master Du Cann, who was thereupon re-elected by Acclamation. As for those who, in the name of Loyalty, challenged the Sitting Tenants, they were overborne by Majorities that would do credit to an Orangeman standing for Election in the Shan kill Road.
Not even the Apportioning of Patronage was without Difficulty, though designed to overcome the Same. Having dangled the Prospect of Advancement and quasi-Office before Several Eminent Dignitaries, whom he had in power shunned as Dead Men, Master Heath had the Profound Mortification of being informed that these were not at Home, or suffering from the Gout and thus unable to approach the door, or excessively Occupied with Making Money. Many Days passed thus in the Desperate and Unavailing Search for Samsons to assist in holding up the Temple (or, at least, to refrain from Pulling it down). At length, not before it was being freely said in Corners that a Dying King cannot hire even Mourners, Master Heath Surprised the entire World of Westminster (including even the Hacks and Scribblers) by appointing the formidable Mistress Thatcher to be subordinate to his loyal Ally, Master Carr. Now there is settling the point of Precedency betWeen a Rabbit and a Tigress, and Master Heath will doubtless learn soon enough Nature itself will not submit to his Ideas of Proper Ranking. His Lesser Appointments, Master N. Scott and Master T. Raison, amiable fellows both, demonstrated likewise the keen instinct for Survival, not of the Fittest, but of Master Heath.
To the Plain Evidence that his Departure for Foreign Lands would be a relief to All, excepting his Sycophants and the Artisan Faction, he paid not the Slightest Heed, unless a Wilful Resolve to Defy his Troops be accounted a Perverse Attention. Instead he barred and bolted his doors and, from the secure interior bellowed that he had been an Accurate Prophet of the Truth, namely that Oeconomick Disaster would shortly o'erwhelm the Nation, — no great Achievement for the Author of that Disaster — and that, in times to come, the People would love him for his Honesty. And, from time to time, envoys would issue forth from the redoubt to carry this Intelligence to the far Corners of the Land, Master Douglas Hurd, his old Retainer, Master David Knox, who declares that Simple Solutions are a Snare and a Delusion but that Controul of Wages is the Answer to all Oeconomick Problems, and even Master Hogg himself, whose Eloquence and Philosophy are ever at the Service of Tawdry Partisan Causes.
Tom Puzzle
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