Tempering the Wind

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 328 Report by C. S. W.

4

Prize of six guineas was offered for two brief epistles delicately conveying

news or instructions. unpleasant

s: k. 5, i'pot to say unctuous—tact, you have - )), Having thus danced to your piping (or 7, mourned to your weeping) let me call the e 2.PPrentices (S. Samuelson), served sum- sl 2 IYPt and a touching one from Dublin) .,'eade. my rejection has a pleasant, if hardly "PPropriate, ring of surrealism).

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ti,"0 Wings. Those who did were few, and 4"eY share the prize-money equally. They flayed various permutations on the Pools think

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p Your difficulty, as always, was to fly on fe: C. D. Taylor (whose second epistle "Ile of these Fridays. 'alute you. With verbal grace and emollient hieled off husbands (Pibwob), disinherited (kids, if not the tune. Pill-sugarers of the world (there were entries from the US, from L °11nd an echo in that of Miss Juliet E. louses (an unnamed competitor) and hackel), Granville Garley, J. A. Lindon e might have a competition about that It's (Frances Collingwood), dismissed idle LI H. (the man from Kansas City, whose Samson among others). shudder to how you would break good news. As for the monopterygoti (no, there is no rilleh word, neither in Sir Thomas Browne Or even in Ch*mb*rs's Dictionary, New I? DEAR COMPETITORS,

numerous entry makes judging "hacult A brilliant one makes it invidious. •

°Iirs made it well-nigh impossible. How

a'ish I could have given every one of you Prize—if only a comfit.

bo you keep your back-numbers of the Pectatar? I hope so, because, if you will "iok at the issue for May 25, page 739, al3, you, will see why so many of al had to be 'disallowed on a technicality.' mean all, there is a limit. And two does ''lean two.

PRIZES (C. D. TAYLOR)

Fellow-competitors of prize-winner Miss Toogood are cordially invited to the vin d'honnear at the Drama Centre.

Your very original ms. will follow by registered post.,

I encloSe lune Scholarships Pass List, and Entrance Form (G 28. Special Candidate) for Autumn Supplementary Scholarships.

An early application is recommended.

(GRANVILLE GARLEY) A SOLICITOR TO A CLIENT WHO OUGHT TO PLEAD GUILTY You might. as a formality, call on the police. Then you would have the opportunity of answering routine questions. Perhaps 1 could come along too?

A REQUIREMENT TO QUIT A FURNISHED FLAT You have transformed walls and furniture into a home. It attracts me irresistibly. Your talents must not be wasted indefinitely on my poor flat.

A. LINDON)

As from the 14th you will he free tojoin Messrs. Purr, Chase & Son, who have benefited so considerably from your recent work in our Sales Dept.

Happy to inform you that your wife was successfully delivered this' afternoon. Both mother and triplets (coloured) are doing well.

Mid-Century Edition) some quite brilliant plumage was displayed, more especially by those printed below under 'Runners-up' (after all, they couldn't fly, could they?).

With commiserations to all those of you who, in the words of so many of you, were 'not among those selected,' I remain Your well-tempered and (1 trust) well-tempering, C. S. W.

The Spectator regrets that classification of your entry for the customary sharing of the prize was impossible. It was in a class by itself.

As the Academy opens only at noon, it will not be possible to exhibit your picture Birds at Dawn.

RUNNERS-UP (Bossom)

FROM A CIRCUS PROPRIETOR'S SOLICITOR Our Insurance Company's cheque and one pair of boots are enclosed. Your husband's employment as a lion tamer was terminated at 8.15 p.m. yesterday.

(F. W. GORDON-COLLARD)

Dear Sir, I have to inform you that the sex of your wife has, since her admission to this hospital, changed from female to male.

The patient, who will be discharged tomorrow, is in excellent health and may resume his normal life at your home.

Yours faithfully, XYZ

(J. D. K. LLOYD)

FROM CONSULTANT TO PATIENT

I enclose my fee, which may seem high; but my diagnosis shows that you will not be spend- ing money on cigarettes in six weeks' time.

(P. M.) Dear Madam.

We now have your coat. It has dyed approximately the colour you wished, and our expert is confident that all seams can be let out. I am, etc.