SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 102 Report by Richard Usborne In one

of Pont's drawings for Punch before the war there stood a statue of an Englishman holding a weird object. All you could read on the inscription on the plaque was:— " Hail to thee, blithe Praddle, For without thy Praddlescope " A prize of £5 was offered for the full text of the inscription.

What was the Praddlescope ? That's the first problem. One of

D. R. Peddy's carefully flat-footed verses said : " For we have all divined From the term by which 'tis known That it's seeing it furthers, not hearing, Or its name would have been Praddlephone."

But not all of the entrants did divine that it was a seeing eye of

some sort. P. M. made it an instrument for re-saponifying spent soapsuds, " acting rather like a sxvizzlestick in reverse." Nan Wishart made it a machine for extracting nicotine from tobacco and alcohol from strong liquor : " Thy Praddlescope will swift advance The glorious reign of Temperance, And over all, serene, A new Colossus shall the world bestraddle His name, JOHN PRADDLE !

Those who made the Praddlescope a seeing-machine offered the following suggestions :—For locating lost collar-studs. (Allan M.

Laing) whose last lines were : " But thou, too late for martyrdom, too kind for spilling blood, Hast won eternal honour from the rolling collar-stud.

This monument, in gratitude, all shirted men have raised To HENRY HOPSCOTCH PRADDLE : be his name for ever praised ! "

For spying addled eggs without opening them (Pauline Willis and C. P. Driver). For finding flies in ointment (Capt. W. R. S. Rober- ton). For watching sea-fowl paddle (H. A. C. Evans), to whom I nearly awarded a prize for the monumental marmoreality of his verse ; e.g.

" Conscious of thy bounty, All within this favoured town And beyond, throughout the county, Raise this verse to thy renown."

For looking round the bend (G. J. Blundell). For finding the soap in the bath (several). For reading between the lines (D. L. L. Clarke).

For detecting twaddle in horoscopes (R. B. Browning). For sexing

eggs (Frances Collingwood). For seeing the middle of next week

(Guy Innes).

Bernard Wake offered : "... AN INSTRUMENT DESIGNED FOR THE PURPOSE OF LOOKING INTO THE FOURTH DIMENSION. ON THE 1ST DAY OF APRIL, 1931, WHILE ENGAGED IN MAKING OBSERVATIONS OF GREAT SCIENTIFIC IMPORTANCE, PROFESSOR SEBASTIAN PRADDLE INADVERTENTLY LOOKED INTO THE WRONG END OF THE INSTRUMENT AND WAS INSTANTLY TRANSLATED TO THE FOURTH DIMENSION WHENCE HE IS UNABLE TO RETURN BUT WHERE HE MAY STILL BE SEEN WITH THE AID OF THE INSTRUMENT WHICH HE HIMSELF DESIGNED.

0 ! PRADDLE, PROSIT TIBI ! "

Peter Hadley's last lines were : " The world would be the poorer If we had never known The fauna and the flora Thy Praddlescope has shown. So, Praddle, rest contented ; Thy monument is rare . . . The only thing invented That sees what isn't there !

Hic jacet PHILADELPHUS PRADDLE, F.A.S.

Omne ignotum pro magnifico."

All verse renderings got off to a limping start because Praddlescope hamstrung any decent rhyming. Prose was easier. On the short list was K. J. Webb (an instrument devised to turn stones and explore avenues) " . . the Grandeur of Conception, Boldness of Design and Skill of Execution render thy Name grateful to all who look to our Rulers for Hope and Cheer ; and all who are sensible of the Value of Temporising applaud thee. ' He thought, and others need to think, no more.' " Also Rhoda Tuck Pook :

" . . . By an ingenious conjunction of lenses he produced the singular engine called by his name and, being unable himself to put it to practical use, left Posterity to adapt it to some beneficent purpose. He remained an example to all, affected as little by his eventual success as by his early failures, one of which experiments cost him two thumbs and the sight of one eye. This monument was erected on June 15th, 1789, by inhabitants of Slorcum, the town made famous by his reputation.

' Neither blot me out from remembrance ' Aid. Thos. Smith, Mayor." First prize (£3) to Joyce Johnson for the following idiocy, engraved

on a slab beneath ekellently drawn pairs of marble boots and

trousers : FIRST PRIZE (JOYCE JOHNSON) .spuall Au) uo 2utpuuls slip peas

of peq 2AVII molls as put' `Isoi uaaq oArq mom piatuumaaui3 qantu

Hail to thee, blithe Praddle, For without they Praddlescope • sipq Jadeds.viau Luau paws /WOW ail

Jo Sno anmig sup splemol pavasqns 'siaded ,siapaAcil-mollaA iptp Jo nopiod payanui aqt peat Allsra ptnoa ,tags 'adoasaipprid otp Jo diait-aqi glum lags 8u!pup `owe, `spuaRA pljamp sill pawl sum ppotuaw

mogul pur tepaim qantu jo SuiArs aqi putt knunop jo poop otp of urwmopoi sill Jo S;tsot.inp atp passauieq `aauemos.iad pur 61!nua8ui iSq `otim 31GGV2Icl X1131 jo Aloutow tit SECOND PRIZE (JAMES G. LOGAN) Second prize (L2) to James Logan, who took the great Scottish poet MacGonagal for his model and produced an alpha version in that monstrous style : Hail to thee, blithe Praddle, For without thy Praddlescope A great many people would have very little hope ; For before thou inventedst it people looking through keyholes, 1 ween, Had to stoop and risk cramp in the back if they wished to see what was to be seen ; But by using the Praddlescope they can stand by the door, And without bending down stand a very good chance of seeing what they are looking for ; Wherefore this statue was erected because thou visitedst here in April, 1879, And wast the second most important person to do so for a very long time.