YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Would the enclosed be a good postscript to all those awkwardly pronounced sur- names and place names? A young French- man visiting Norfolk was much mystified by the spelling and pronunciation of some of the towns and villages: Happisburgh (Haze- boro), Hunstanton (Hunston) and so on. He stayed in London on his way home and walking down a street passed a cinema with a poster outside it proclaiming, 'Gone with the Wind (pronounced success)'.
M.F.R., Cley-next-the-Sea, Holt, Norfolk A. Thank you for submitting this inoffen- sive joke.
Q. My wife and I own the freehold of a beautiful late-Victorian house overlooking the sea on the south coast. The lease on one of the flats in the building has recently been bought by a helpful and successful young professional who shares our desire to maintain the house in an appropriate style. Unfortunately, our tastes differ: what he sees as Art Nouveau seems to us more like Bavarian Rustic. The entrance hall and staircase are now due for renovation and our new leaseholder is eagerly making sug- gestions on interior decoration. Whilst we do not intend accepting his advice we would hate to offend him. How do we maintain his enthusiasm and goodwill whilst giving a definite thumbs-down to the
farmhouse style he favours?
S.I.W, Wiesbaden, Germany A. Approach a selection of fusspots on local heritage bodies. Sound them out until you have found one whose tastes approxi- mate your own. Encourage this third party to become involved in the renovations in an advisory capacity and attend a site meeting with all your neighbours to discuss them. You and your wife can then blink blandly while the fusspot explains to the young man precisely why the Bavarian Rustic look would be inappropriate. The fusspot can also serve as focus for your neighbour's chagrin, leaving inter-residential relations as rosy as before.
Q. Am I alone in finding some women's excessive use of perfume or similar scented products highly distasteful? There are a number of women at my place of work who
go through the day surrounded by an invisi- ble cloud of potent perfume. As long as we don't come too close, say passing in the corridor or the tea-kitchen, this is just about bearable, but I have a real problem when these people visit me in my office. It can be hours before the offensive smell has disappeared. I can hardly say, 'Val' (or Bianca, or whatever), 'I'm sorry but I can't stand your perfume. Could we perhaps deal with this over the telephone rather than you coming to my office?' What can I say?
Name and address withheld A. Yours has been one of a number of let- ters to raise this topic. My thanks also to E.H. of Coffs Harbour, NSW, who particu- larly dislikes the popular vanilla essence now being widely exuded throughout the world. It is always worth picking up a pack- et of sneezing powder when passing a toy or joke shop. Then, when a smeller approaches, all you have to do is give your- self a dosing to produce an' instant impres- sion of scent allergy. 'Oh my goodness!' you can gasp between sneezes as the tears pour down your cheeks. 'You're not wearing strong scent, are you? Oh, that must be it. I've developed an allergy to it. Achoo! Oh excuse me! Achoo! Oh dear, you'd better talk to me over the telephone. Achoo!'
Mary Killen
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